Waking Up In Vegas
by ibelieveinthegood
Summary: M/D story. They meet in Vegas and... :D That's all I can really say, there's not really a good way to describe it. lol. DISCLAIMER: I do not Grey's Anatomy et al. Borrows some lines from show, but with a different spin! ;
1. Just a girl in a bar

**_Hi. Usually I'm too lazy to post full stories here, because it kind of confuses me. LOL. But I'm doing it for Katie, and for Julie, with the vague hopes that re-reading will somehow help my sequel inspiration. So yeah. This one's already done. So I'll post whenever you guys want more. :)_**

**_Let me know what you like, what you don't, I love hearing your thoughts!_**

_**Song Inspiration: Blondie-The Tide Is High**_

X

_Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada._

She'd seen the sign from the airplane, and it was all the confirmation that she'd needed to assure herself that her best friend was, indeed, correct. This vacation would be exactly what she needed, and for once, she felt content with her spur of the moment decision. Well, it was the second time this week she had that feeling; the first of course being when she broke off her yearlong engagement with Mark Sloane, who had previously been the supposed love of her life. But he had cheated on her, and she knew that her happiness – rather than her mother's arrangements – was what really mattered in her life.

"_Meredith," Cristina had said, "You need to go. Get out of this town. Get crazy, get drunk. Do something stupid. Do something for yourself."_

So she did.

She had hopped on the cheapest flight from Boston, and had endured several layovers throughout the country. She texted Cristina quickly, telling her friend that she had finally made it to 'Sin City', and that she'd be in touch. She pulled her carryon bag from the compartment above her seat in Coach, sighing and waiting impatiently for the other twenty rows of people to leave the plane. She checked her watch – it was shortly after eight o'clock, Vegas time (eleven o'clock Boston time) – thankful that the resort Cristina had booked for her was only a short taxi ride away. She didn't bring anything other than her carryon bag, and she was glad for that, as she had flown Delta. She smiled as she remembered her stepfather's acronym for the airline – Don't Expect Luggage to Arrive – and she had to stifle a laugh as she watched frustrated tourists waiting at the luggage belt. She made her way to the taxi bay, quickly deciding to share a cab with two people she assumed were newlyweds.

"Business or pleasure?" the cabby asked her, trying to strike up a conversation with Meredith.

"Maybe both," she sighed in response, slipping an earbud into her right ear and turning the volume up.

"You're at the MGM Grand, right?" he asked her pointedly, his accent thick, rolling his eyes at the couple in the backseat.

"I bet you see that a lot," she smirked; he returned the smirk and rolled his eyes once more, waiting for Meredith's real response. "Nope. Paris."

"Oui, Oui," he retorted, accelerating as he merged onto the crowded expressway.

Las Vegas was nothing like Boston, and it certainly wasn't anything like Seattle, where her father lived. It wasn't at all like New York, which honestly surprised her; she expected the cities to be similar. What Vegas is, though, is loud and bright- she could tell this, even from within the confines of the cab. It's crowded and a tourist trap, the pessimistic side of her thought. Right, optimism, she berated herself. She was supposed to be optimistic. Fine, she sighed_, Vegas is full of mystery and opportunity._ (_Gag_, she couldn't help but add, smiling satisfactorily that her pessimistic side that always seemed to appear, even when she didn't necessarily want it to.)

Meredith rolled her eyes, thinking she'd rather be hearing the noises outdoors than the noises the young couple were making in the backseat. The cabby drove expertly through the strip, dropping the newlyweds off (not soon enough for Meredith) at Harrah's, and whizzing back into the streets. She tried not to look out the side window, for fear it would make her carsick, instead focusing on the taxicab in front of her, speeding along just a few miles per hour faster than her own death taxi.

If the taxicab driver said anything to her, she didn't hear him; probably by a combination of simply ignoring him and genuinely not hearing him due to the pounding beats of the music playing in her iPod. He turned quickly, causing her to grip the seat and wince slightly as he sped into the drop-off lane. She quickly walked to the back of the cab, the driver hoisting her meager carryon out of the trunk, exchanging money for her belongings. She took a deep breath as she turned and faced the doors of the extravagant resort her friend had booked for her.

"_Good evening, Cherie. Bienvenue to Paris: Las Vegas."_

The doorman greeted her, and immediately her bag was whisked away by a bellhop and she was ushered to the check-in counter. She handed over her credit card, signed her name on the dotted line, and was directed to her room – the room that offered her the 'perfect' view of the Eiffel Tower and a good chunk of the strip. She didn't care about cost, she didn't care about the sad looks her classmates had given her all week, she didn't care about her mother's disapproval – the only thing she cared about was getting away from the train wreck of a life that she had left behind in Boston. She nodded 'thanks' to the bellhop after he opened her door and placed her belongings inside the lavish suite that Cristina had hastily booked for her.

Meredith stepped inside the room and took a deep breath; she suddenly felt free, relieved. She dropped her coat and purse on the floor and kicked off her shoes before swiftly crossing the room to look out the window, to see the 'spectacular' view for herself. The strip was illuminated before her, the lights bright – almost obnoxious – the city buzzing with tourists and entertainment. She saw the famed fountains of the nearby hotels, she saw the Eiffel Tower statue – it never could compare to _the real thing _though – she was filled with excitement when she looked around, seeing what this city could offer her. Her phone lit up, signaling a text message from Cristina.

_Don't be lame. Go have a drink._

Meredith smiled as she sent her witty reply, quickly crossing the room toward the mini-bar. She opened the fridge, staring back and forth between the miniature bottles of vodka and tequila, finally deciding on the tequila. She grabbed the lime that sat in the container in the refrigerator, biting into it quickly, a bit of juice dribbling down her chin. She wiped he mouth off, and without another moment's hesitation, downed a good portion of the liquor in the bottle. The amber liquid burned her throat, but it wasn't a burn she was unused to. She bit the lime again before taking another sip, this time, the liquid went down smoothly, offering her a feeling of familiarity.

She plugged her iPod into the Bose speaker dock in her room, and turned the volume all the way up, blasting the music her roommates hated. She slipped into the shower – flying always made her feel dirty, especially after a flight with three layovers- singing all the while. A week ago, she was miserable and engaged. Today, she was finally happy, single in Las Vegas and singing at the top of her lungs. Who would have known? she said out loud to herself, swiping at the fogged-up mirror with a soft white washcloth. She ran some mousse through her hair, deciding against drying it, before brushing her teeth.

"The tide is high, but I'm holding on; I'm gonna be your number one!" she sloppily sang into her toothbrush, bouncing around the white and gold bathroom. She whipped her head around, dancing loosely, singing and drinking – generally having a good time while getting ready for the evening.

"Every girl wants you to be her man… but I'll wait my dear 'till it's my turn. I'm not the kinda girl, who gives up just like that. Oh, nooooo-ooo!" she sang. "Fuck you, Mark Sloane!" she ad-libbed, setting the toothbrush down as the song came to an end. She took a deep breath before continuing to get ready.

She slipped the black cocktail dress on – the one that Izzie had picked out for the wedding rehearsal reception- the dress floating over her comfortably, hitting her features in all the right places. She stepped into the strappy sandals – borrowed from her younger sister, Lexie, of course – and finally hit the power button on the iPod docking station. She dropped her room card, her ID, and a bundle of cash into her handbag before shutting the hotel room light off, and heading down to the Casino.

XX

The casino and bar were crowded and loud, tourists of all ages filled the open space to capacity. Various lights were flashing and alarms were ringing, signaling random winners and losers throughout the crowd. Meredith quickly spotted her destination – the crowded bar – and quickly made her way through the thick throng of vacationers. She sat at an empty barstool – how lucky- and quickly ordered her first official drink of the evening.

Two margaritas and a tequila shot later, she felt someone sit down next to her. She had just ordered another shot of her favorite liquor, prompting the bartender to tease her. "Straight tequila? Really? You are gonna be sorry in the morning!"

"I'm always sorry in the morning," she smirked. "But… I'm on vacation, and just broke off my engagement, so… keep 'em coming…"

"How ya doin'?" the bartender asked the man that had sit down beside her.

"Double scotch, single malt please," the man ordered politely as he watched the bartender oblige. He cleared his throat, "So. Is this a good place to hang out?"

"I wouldn't know," she replied. "Never been here before."

"Ah, you know what? I haven't either," he chuckled as she turned away form her. "First time here. I'm on vacation. I've never been to Vegas. I'm starting my residency soon, so…," he trailed. "Ah. You're ignoring me."

"Um, trying to," she faltered, a small smile playing on her lips.

"You shouldn't ignore me."

"Why not?" she asked sweetly, sitting back from the bar.

"Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love," he smirked, amusement playing in his sparkling indigo eyes.

"Really?" she asked, this time the amusement present in her features and her one of voice.

"Oh, yes."

"So if I know you, I'll love you?" Meredith asked.

"Oh, yes."

"You really like yourself, huh?" she teased.

"Just hiding my pain," he quipped, his smile kind and unwavering, and they both giggled slightly. "So what's your story?" he asked bravely.

"I don't have a story," she smirked. "I'm just a girl in a bar."

"I'm just a guy in a bar."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

_******"The Tide Is High"**_

The tide is high but I'm holding on  
I'm gonna be your number one  
I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that  
Oh, no

It's not the things you do that tease and wound me bad  
But it's the way you do the things you do to me

I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that  
Oh, no

The tide is high but I'm holding on  
I'm gonna be your number one  
Number one, number one

Every girl wants you to be her man  
But I'll wait my dear 'til it's my turn

I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that  
Oh, no

The tide is high but I'm holding on  
I'm gonna be your number one  
Number one, number one

Every girl wants you to be her man  
But I'll wait my dear 'til it's my turn

I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that  
Oh, no

The tide is high but I'm holding on  
I'm gonna be your number one


	2. Here's to being dark and twisty

**Thanks for reading/replying! Um, this is the chapter where I messed up the rules of Blackjack. :P Hey, I'm only 19, and only play with made up rules at my house. LOL. So I guess this is where I call creative license and say… my badz, yo.**

**Song Inspiration: Poker Face ~ Lady GaGa**

x

"_So what's your story?" he asked bravely._

"_I don't have a story," she smirked. "I'm just a girl in a bar."_

"_I'm just a guy in a bar."_

"You're mocking me," she smirked, downing the shot and licking her lips playfully.

"Never," he replied, swirling the glass of scotch in his right hand. "So really, what brings you to Paris?" he smiled, putting on a phony French accent, rolling his eyes as he motioned around the bar, taking a quick swig of the liquor.

"Ahh, Paris," she replied. "I, ahh, I just ended a long term relationship. I needed to get away, you know, for a weekend or so. Felt too smothered back home – my mom, and he was… ah... anyways. You?"

"I'm here for a get together…. Some friends from undergrad, but they all went to a strip club tonight," he said with a wink, lowering his voice to a whisper. "And that's not really my thing…" he added, his eyes darkening. "Derek Shepherd," he said a beat later, sitting up straight and offering his hand to Meredith. "First year intern; New York City."

"Meredith Grey," Meredith replied, gripping Derek's hand in her own. "I'll be a Med student in the fall. Boston," she grinned, her accent apparent.

"Grey? As in…"

"Yes," she replied simply, rolling her eyes.

"No kidding. I'm impressed," Derek gushed, finally releasing her hand. He motioned for the bartender to bring him another drink, telling him that he'd be taking care of Meredith's tab for the evening and asking her if she'd like another drink. She nodded thankfully as the bartender poured the next shot. "Cheers!" Derek smirked, clinking glasses with Meredith and quickly drinking the scotch. Their conversation continued naturally, and they discussed normal "girls-and-guys-in-a-bar" things.

"You play any of the games?" Derek asked about an hour later after their conversation had faded a bit. "Craps? Poker? Blackjack?" he prompted when she gave him a confused glance.

"Oh, no," she blushed. "I'm not very lucky," she admitted, sighing and taking a sip of her beer.

"Lucky?" he asked, the same grin crossing his lips, his eyes slightly glassy. "Meredith, luck…," he added, pausing dramatically while taking a sip of his drink, "has nothing to do with it."

"Prove it," she challenged, a cocky smirk flaring at the corner of her lips.

"I never back down from a challenge," Derek replied, his voice low and deep, "ever," he added, standing up and holding his hand out to Meredith.

"Good to know."

She grabbed his outstretched hand, allowing him to pull her up, the room spinning slightly as she steadied herself. He grabbed fresh drinks from the bar and threw a handful of cash onto the marble countertop, motioning for Meredith to loop her arm with his. She obliged, and he led them through the crowded casino.

"We'll start small," he said, sitting Meredith down in front of a slot machine. She looked up at him, her own eyes glassy now, wide and waiting, as he put the quarter into the slot. "Now, you just put your hand on this… joystick… thing… and pull down," he added, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Dirrrrrty," she slurred, placing her hand on the handle. He placed his hand around hers and she swore electric sparks danced between them. (Maybe it was the alcohol.) Together, they pulled down on the bar and watched the machine. "Now what?" Meredith asked, looking back up at Derek.

"Now you watch the machine, and… I don't believe it," he teased, shaking his head as the symbols aligned on the machine.

"You don't believe… what?" she asked, turning her attention back to the slot machine. "I got three cherries… so what?"

"So what? So what?" he asked incredulously. "Meredith… you won! You just won two grand!"

"Oh," she laughed. "It was your quarter, Derek. It should be your money," Meredith said slowly. He shook his head in response, holding his hand out to her. "Where are we going?" she asked him, placing her hand in his for the third time.

"First, we have to go collect your money," he grinned. "Then, we are going to play Blackjack."

"Blackjack?"

"Blackjack," Derek said, leading her to the collections counter. "They'll give us the money, we'll get the chips, and then we'll go play. Okay?"

"Fine," she smirked, subconsciously sizing him up and smiling at him. "You'll have to… teach me…, Derek," she added saucily, causing him to grin. He handed her a stack of game chips before leading her over to the blackjack table.

"Place your bets," the dealer said, dealing a round of cards to the crowd at the table.

Derek nodded at Meredith, who pushed a small stack of chips in front of her. "Derek, I don't know what to do," she confessed, turning up her cards and glancing at Derek. "Help me!" she hissed, showing him the eight of hearts and the ten of clubs.

"You're gonna stay this hand, Mer," he whispered. "You've got eighteen. The goal is to get twenty-one. You can't go over or else you lose," Derek said, leaning into her ear, causing goosebumps to rise on her skin.

"Oh! Damn it!" she cursed when the player to her left had a twenty. "I told you I'm not lucky," she pouted, rolling her eyes at Derek.

"It was your first hand," he whispered as another round of cards were dealt. "Ok, this time, you'll stay again."

"How do you know that?" she whispered back. "I don't even have my second card yet!"

"Shush, Meredith, trust me. You'll stay," he whispered, barely audible. Meredith only nodded in response, picking up her second card. "And that, my dear, is what they call 'Blackjack'." Derek said cockily, his eyes dancing in the smoke-filled light.

"What the hell does that mean?" Meredith asked, her eyes wide with surprise, noticing the disgruntled look on her competitor's faces.

"That means, you take these chips, babe, and we get the hell out of here."

"Derek! I wanna play more! I'm lucky now!" she protested, her words slurring slightly.

"We'll try your luck at the Craps table. C'mon," Derek said. She allowed him to pull her away. She didn't know why – call it female instinct, or whatever – but she trusted him. She felt safe with him, protected; it was a feeling she had never had with Mark. (Probably the alcohol she thought to herself for the second time.)

"You," she said, a sweet smile turning on her lips, her next words slurring a bit more, "must be my lucky charm."

He only half-laughed in response, his blue eyes shimmering through the haze of the casino.

"Can we go dancing instead?" she asked sweetly.

"You don't want to play anymore?"

"Oh. I want to play," she smirked, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Take me for a ride, Derek."

He pulled away from her slightly, placing a sloppy kiss on the top of her head. "Now who's the dirty one?" he teased, eliciting a small laugh from Meredith. "I know the perfect place."

They made their way through the casino together; their hands tangled between them, identical, satisfied grins on their faces. Derek handed the I.D. tag for his car to the valet, but had second thoughts after remembering how much he had to drink. The club he wanted to take her to was only a block or so away anyways, and the weather – slightly cool, the air still sticky and heavy – was perfect for walking. She snuggled closer to him, shivering slightly as she adjusted to the cooler temperature, taking in the lights and sounds of the strip as they walked.

They arrived at the club sooner than anticipated, and Derek quickly paid the cover charge for both of them, his hand falling to the small of her back, leading her into the club. After dancing for a good hour, they were both exhausted and slightly sobered now. She rested her head on his shoulder as they sat at a deserted booth, waiting for the food and beers that Derek had ordered for them. They sat in absolute silence now (save for the bustlings of the others around them), comfortable with one another, nothing going on between them besides little jolts of electricity.

The food came and went, their conversation lighthearted and honest, covering everything from being Ellis Grey's offspring to the death of Derek's father. Meredith openly discussed her failed relationship with Mark – how her mother had set them up, how he had forced the engagement to further his fledgling medical career, how Ellis had threatened to cut her off if she made their break-up public. Derek countered with the story of the death of his wife, Kimberly, and his in-laws threats of taking their toddler son, Christopher, away from him.

"Here's to being dark and twisty," Meredith offered, clinking her beer glass with his.

"To being dark and twisty," he smiled weakly.

"How old is your son?" she asked politely, sipping on the drink, watching as the sparkle return to his eyes.

"He'll be two in a month. I know, I know; we were really young when we got married and had him. Hell, I'm only twenty-six right now, Meredith, but… Kim was my best friend. She was just one of those girls where you just knew. That's what life should be about. Impulse decisions that make you happy; go with your gut, you know?" he said, taking another sip, raising his eyebrow at her. "How long are you here, Meredith?"

"Until next Wednesday," she replied, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow?" he asked. "We can grab something to eat, go to a show, try your luck at Craps – for real next time," Derek winked, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a quick hug.

"I would love to go out with you tomorrow, Derek," Meredith said softly.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he replied, a shy smile lighting on his lips. "Would you like me to walk you back to the hotel?"

"Yes, please," she whispered. In that moment, he leaned over and kissed her, surprising her slightly, but that didn't stop her from returning the kiss. It was slow and gentle, not forced at all – unlike each and every kiss she had ever shared with Mark. He broke away gently, placing another quick kiss on her lips before standing and offering his hand to her. She pulled her coat on and grabbed his hand, giggling slightly and glad she found someone to share her first evening in Las Vegas with.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Poker Face" - Lady Gaga

Mum mum mum mah

Mum mum mum mah

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas Plays

Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)

Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start

And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh

I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,

I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,

Can't read my

No he can't read my poker face

(she's got me like nobody)

Can't read my

Can't read my

No he can't read my poker face

(she's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be

A little gambling is fun when you're with me I love it)

Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun

And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh

I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,

I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,

Can't read my

No he can't read my poker face

(she's got me like nobody)

Can't read my

Can't read my

No he can't read my poker face

(she's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

(Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I love you

Kiss or hug you

Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin

I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning

Just like a chick in the casino

Take your bank before I pay you out

I promise this, promise this

Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my,

Can't read my

No he can't read my poker face

(she's got me like nobody)

Can't read my

Can't read my

No he can't read my poker face

(she's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

(Mum mum mum mah)


	3. Jackpot

Thanks for reading! Drop me a line with a comment - let me know what you like and what you don't! :)

_**Song Inspiration: Gomez – Little Pieces**_

X

"And he walked you back to the hotel?" Cristina asked for the thousandth time.

"Yes, mother," Meredith sighed, wedging the PDA between her neck and her ear. She opened the bottle of bright red nail polish and dipped the brush in the canister once, twice, three times before smoothing the color onto the first of her toenails. She sat on the king-sized bed in her suite, a fluffy white towel wrapped around her head as she prepared for her date with Derek Shepherd.

"He's a doctor? Are you sure he's not bullshitting you, Meredith? You never know… those freaks out there in Vegas will do anything for a little action," Cristina said.

"Hey, you told me to do something crazy. I'm just … following my gut," she smiled, glancing to the alarm clock. "If you'd like, I can have him fax you his credentials and a letter of recommendation from one of his friends that's here with him."

"Don't be a sarcastic bitch," Cristina mumbled. "Following your gut? What's wrong with you, Mer?"

"Nothing's wrong with me," Meredith sighed happily, glancing to the clock. "Just following Derek's advice. I listened to my mother when it came to relationships before, and look where that got me," she added, her tone of voice shifting. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know Cristina, this guy's real. He's honest, and really sweet. He lost his wife a few months ago, and his baby's just about…"

"Whoa… widower? With a kid?" Cristina asked, and Meredith rolled her eyes, envisioning her best friend's face, knowing that her eyes would be wide open – with a mixed look of shock and worry running through her features. "Meredith," she sighed, "run! Run for the hills! This guy has some serious baggage," she added. "You're twenty-two. You don't need that shit!"

"For God sakes, Cristina!" Meredith laughed, wiping a stray splash of nail polish off of her toe, switching the PDA to her other ear. "I'm going out with him, hanging out – once. It's not like I'm marrying him, or anything. He's lonely here, I'm alone here. Why should the two of us be miserable and alone when we could spend our time together?"

"You make me sick," she teased. "Ok. But I'm just warning you… don't let this freak get too attached to you," she added. "I don't want you to die or worse… get married… out there."

"I'm hanging up now," Meredith replied, recapping the bottle of nail polish before setting it down on the nightstand. "Goodbye, Cristina," she said with a small laugh.

"Bye, Mer… just… be careful. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," her friend replied before hanging up the phone. Meredith let the PDA fall to the bed as she rolled her eyes. Don't do anything Cristina wouldn't do? That just opened up a whole new realm of possibilities, she thought to herself.

She stood up slowly, dreading the fact that now she would have to choose what to wear. She wished Izzie or Lexie were with her, or even Cristina, for God sakes; but she was alone, and she'd have to make this decision for herself.

Derek hadn't given Meredith any clues to what they would be doing; he told her to 'take it on faith.' What the fuck? How was she supposed to dress for faith? She stared back and forth between the other three cocktail dresses her friends had packed for her; one red, one white, and one black. She held the red one up to her chest – too desperate. She did the same with the white one – too virginal. She decided on the black one – it was, perhaps, really her color – and it suited her mood.

_Dark._

Mysterious.

Open for anything.  
  
She slipped the dress over her head, zipping it as far as she could – Derek would have to do the rest. Butterflies jumped in the pit of her stomach; it had been far too long since she had last been on a first date, at least three years. She wasn't sure what to expect, but as far as she could tell Derek wouldn't be anything like Mark. Really, that was what she was hoping for – the anti-Mark. She stepped in to her black stilettos, taking a deep breath before heading to the bathroom to fix her hair and freshen up her make-up.

Derek arrived promptly at seven o'clock, knocking on the door politely and presenting Meredith with a bouquet of wildflowers. She kissed his cheek to thank him, the scent of his aftershave driving the butterflies in her belly wild. She gently set the bouquet down on the vanity and asked Derek if he could (please) zip up her dress the rest of the way. She felt his fingers tremble slightly as he held the zipper in his fingers, goosebumps rising on her skin as he rested his other hand on her shoulder.

"I'll just get my coat, and then we can go?" she said, her statement coming across as more of a question, her eyes searching for Derek's approval. She smiled when he nodded in response, grabbed her white knee-length trench coat from the hanger, as Derek opened the door for her, and she led the way down the hallway towards the elevators.

X

Hours later, after seeing a show (a Cirque du Soleil presentation, one that Meredith was surprised to enjoy), an expensive dinner (one that she offered to pay her way for – but Derek would have none of that) and a ride around the strip (in his expensive rental convertible, of course), Meredith and Derek found themselves back at the hotel casino, their eyes glassy from too much wine (and probably the excitement, as well), having a good time as they learned more about one another.

Derek had turned the gambling into a game for Meredith. She confessed that she hadn't really cared much for it – she wasn't much of a risk taker, a confession that had her cheeks flushed red. So he decided to stay away from the table games and to stick to the slot machines. He suggested that for every coin they put in the machine, they got to ask the other a personal question, and as this entire trip was about taking chances, Meredith hastily agreed.

"What's your mother's maiden name?" Meredith asked, her eyes glazing over from too much tequila.

"My mother's maiden name? Why does that even…?"

"It was my question, Shepherd. Answer," she teased, a smile unfolding at the corner of her lips.

"Alright," he teased, returning the shy smile. "My mother's maiden name – Maloney. I have four sisters… uh… nine nieces. Five nephews," he continued. Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but he held his hand up to her, his grin broad, his eyes glassy. "I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. And I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzles on Sunday. And I never – erm, usually, I should say," he added with a wink, "dance in public."

"Derek…"

"Um. Favorite novel – The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band – The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo," Derek said, taking a sip of his scotch. "The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. I bought some land in Seattle, and I live in a trailer. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now," he said with a happy sigh. "What?" Derek blushed as Meredith shot him a goofy grin.

"I think that's cheating, Shepherd. I don't have anything else to ask you!" she whined, watching as he finished the rest of his drink. He gave her a lopsided grin and nodded in her direction, and she took that as her cue to deposit another coin into the machine.

"Would you like another drink?"

"Is that your question?" she countered, placing her hand firmly on the lever.

"Yes," he grinned, flagging down a waiter, who deposited four tequila shots to the table nearest to Meredith and Derek.

"You are terrible at your own game," Meredith teased, clinking her shot glass with Derek's. "Cheers."

"Oh, come on, it was valid," he slurred.

"Fine," Meredith said softly as Derek took his next turn on the machine. "May I kiss you?" she giggled as he pulled the lever down, and she knew she had caught him off guard.

"Yes," he mumbled, stepping away from the slot machine and pressing his lips gently to hers. She deepened the kiss instantly, reaching up to place her fingers on his scalp, fighting for control as he pressed his hands down onto her shoulders, sending shivers down her spine. She moaned softly into his mouth, and he took that at his opportunity to further deepen the kiss, causing the butterflies to flap into her heart.

"Wow," Meredith gushed, pushing him away slightly, licking her lips playfully. "Sorry…"

"Really?" he asked, his blue eyes shining. "Don't be. It's your turn, Meredith."

She nodded slowly, regaining her steadiness (and her breath), kneading the nickel in her fingers before depositing it into the slot. "Your question?" she asked, biting her lip.

"If," Derek propositioned, "you hit the jackpot," he said slowly, nodding at the machine, the alcohol purely speaking for him at this point in the evening, "will you marry me? Here in Vegas?"

"Yes," Meredith replied, biting her lip lightly as she pulled the lever down, watching the numbers and fruits spin in front of her, waiting for the machine to decide her fate.

**_Gomez – Little Pieces_**

There's a piece of me you can't have  
And I know it's driving you mad  
There's a part inside you can't reach  
I'm afraid that's the way its gonna be  
There's a part of you that wants to fight  
But I never really had the appetite  
I fear my feelings wont speak  
words are already taken upon the breeze  
wind is always blowing

pieces falling from me  
you can have them for free  
now it felt so complete  
pieces falling from me

though you try your best you never find  
there are pieces that are left behind  
last piece of the jigsaw  
while the others are scattered across the floor  
so you try to get them all up  
there are pieces falling in the dust

there's a pile of ash we don't need  
leave it to be taken upon the breeze  
wind is always blowing

pieces falling from me  
you can have them for free  
now it felt so complete  
pieces falling from me

all this background noise  
its crowded  
never tell  
its half the reason why they're there  
its hard to make another plan

theres a fine line what you want and what you need  
standing right there in between  
never been there  
never

la la la la la  
la la la la la

la la la la la  
la la la la la  
laaa

pieces falling from me  
you can have them for free  
never felt so complete  
never be what you need  
something missing from me  
that i'll never complete  
there the last ones complete  
pieces falling from me


	4. You really are my lucky charm

Thanks for reading/reviewing! I heart you all!

**Song Inspiration: Waking Up In Vegas – Katy Perry  
**X

"By the power vested in me," the minister – dressed to the nines in an Elvis-look-alike jumpsuit (complete with red scarf, sequins and sunglasses, mind you) – sighed, "by God, 'the King' and the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you… husband and wife. Mr. Shepherd, you may kiss your bride," he added halfheartedly, closing the booklet in his hands, rolling his eyes at the newly wedded couple.

Derek leaned down and kissed Meredith, taking her breath away, leaving her gasping for air as the mandatory witnesses whooped and hollered in the background. Meredith wrapped her arm around him, as he led her down the glittery aisle, her eyes trying to focus on the digital clock at the back of the wall. It read, or so she thought it did, just after two a.m. She couldn't believe she had done what she'd done, but feeling Derek's arms around her took that nagging feeling away. She wouldn't have ever done anything like this before, not before Mark, and certainly not with Mark. But Meredith, for some reason that was unbeknown to her, trusted Derek and she felt completely at ease (and safe) around him.

_"So…"_

"I can't believe…," Derek said, his eyes widening in disbelief, sobering up slightly as he stared at the machine in front of them. The alarms were ringing, the lights flashing – she had actually done it. Three red sevens danced in front of them, a large crowd gathering around them now, a combination of other jealous players and casino workers and security.

"I know," she replied, biting her lower lip. "I know!" she said again, only this time she was more excited. Meredith jumped up and down, flinging herself into Derek's arms as security tried to keep bystanders back.

"You know what this means?" Derek asked, providing her with an out.

"Baby," she purred, "I never back down from a challenge."

"Ever," she whispered into his ear a moment later, nibbling on it slightly, her eyes shimmering when she pulled away from him. "I think you **really** are my lucky charm, baby," she slurred as security led them away to collect their prize.

"So what do we do now?" Meredith asked Derek, leaning heavily on him as she cradled another drink in her right hand.

"Generally after weddings," he replied with a goofy grin on his face, "there's a reception."

"There ain't no party like a Vegas party!" Meredith screeched, laughing as she stumbled slightly. Derek shook his head before letting out a hearty laugh as well. They walked down the street, back to their hotel and bar, the place where all the magic happened.

After ordering several rounds of shots and several drunken dances in the middle of the club, Meredith decided she wanted to go back to her suite. She pulled away form Derek mid-kiss, hating to break the connection, but desperately wanting more in the privacy of their own room. She stepped away from him, putting her best come-hither face on, motioning for him to follow her.

He did.

Without a moment's hesitation.

They stumbled through the lobby together, hand in hand, for better or for worse. Their matching wedding rings shined in the bright lights of the lobby. They stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for Meredith's floor, and Meredith took this as her opportunity to kiss Derek like she hadn't yet kissed him, leaving him wanting more as the elevator glided to a stop on the twelfth floor.

She fumbled with her purse, searching for the card for her hotel room. "Fuck! Where is it!" she yelped as Derek kissed her neck, his fingertips resting comfortably on her hips, a tingle running up and down her spine. "Will you stop doing that for a second and help me fucking look?" she mumbled, a frustrated sigh escaping her.

He turned her around gently and pulled the handbag from her hands, unzipping it all the way. He turned the purse upside down and shook it, sending its contents tumbling to the floor. "There's the mother fucker!" Meredith giggled, reaching down to pick it up. Derek bent down to pick up her other belongings. "Leave that shit," she ordered as Derek stood back up, "we'll get it in the mornin'."

Meredith tried to steady her hand long enough to swipe the card through the lock, but she was trembling – from adrenaline, excitement and an eager anticipation, she mused. Derek reached out and covered her hand with his and they slid the card through the lock, the light on the panel turning green, allowing them access to the suite.

"You comin', baby?" she smiled, standing in the doorway.

Derek nodded eagerly, scooping her up, carrying her over the threshold. "Normal duties," he mumbled, kissing her on her head. He set her down gently, and in an instant, her dress was off, landing somewhere across the room. She kicked her stilettos off and stood there in front of Derek in nothing but her matching bra and panties, her eyes wide open and shimmering, and every ounce of anxiety was flushed from her body.

He quickly followed suit, scooping her back up quickly, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her back to the bed. Hot kisses were exchanged as they landed on the king sized bed, taking their time as they consummated their marriage, making love for the first time (of many subsequent times) that late night.

XX

Meredith woke up, a strong arm wrapped around her, her head pounding, much earlier than she would have wanted to the next morning. She looked around as her eyes tried to focus, everything blurry, and as she glanced to the man beside her, she felt a wave of panic wash over her.

"Fuck!" she mumbled in a frustrated whisper as the man… _Derek_ … let out a loud snore. She lifted his arm gently off of her and she slid off the bed, instantly dizzy as she tried to steady herself. She yawned as she looked around the room again, her dress, undergarments and shoes strewn across the room, but other than that, it looked the same as it did before her date with Derek last night.

_It obviously went well_, she thought to herself as she wiped her face, her eye make-up smearing slightly, feeling the cool metal of the ring on the third finger of her left hand on her skin. She winced as she looked to her hand, seeing the gaudy ring that was in the place where her over-sized engagement ring from Mark used to be. Her eyes widened, and she felt even more panicked as she realized that it was, indeed, in the place of her engagement ring.

"Shit!" she said, swallowing back the bile that had risen in her throat. The ring sparkled in the early morning sun – it reminded her of a ring that a child would get from a quarter machine as a prize. It was yellow gold, and in place of a single diamond, were two overlapping gold dice, with tiny diamonds making up the seven dots on the dice. "Shit!"

She crossed the room quickly, scooping up her discarded clothing and shoving them back into her carry-on bag, not caring that they would get wrinkled. She threw on the first bra she could grab, following suit with underwear. She pulled a wrinkled white tee shirt over her head and shuffled toward the bathroom. She brushed her teeth with bottled water as not to make any noise and pulled a pair of terry-cloth shorts from her bag, slipping them on quickly. She brushed her hair back in to a ponytail, putting her sunglasses on to cover her bloodshot and tired eyes.

Meredith glanced back toward the bed where Derek slept soundly, and a wave of guilt washed over her. She didn't want to just leave, but she had no other option – she wasn't about to wait for him to wake up to confirm her suspicions. She needed her best friend.

She hastily scribbled a note on the provided notepad, simply signing her name and deciding against leaving her phone number. He knew who her mother was – he wouldn't have any trouble contacting her. Her head pounded as she slipped her flip-flops on, gently shutting the door behind her, leaving the man who may or may not be her husband to sleep in her bed.

XX

"McCarran International Airport, please," she mumbled to the taxi-driver as she slid in the cab. She explained to the front desk that there was an emergency and that she had to leave, but her friend was using the room, and that they were to allow him to continue to stay there until her stay was scheduled to be over. She sighed as she fumbled with her earbuds, and the cab driver nodded at her as he revved the engine and peeled out of the parking lot.

XX

Meredith rushed through the airport after another near-death taxi ride, panicking as she explained that she needed an emergency ticket back to Boston. She tapped her foot as they processed her request, taking the only available seat in the rear of the plane.

"There's a layover in…"

"It's fine," Meredith cut the employee off, handing over her credit card. "Thank you," she added, trying to be polite.

"Enjoy your flight, ma'am," the man behind the counter said, winking at her. She snatched the ticket from his hand, grumbling about the winking and the ma'am-ing, as she made her way to security.

"Cristina?" she whispered into her cell phone as she waited for her row to be called for boarding.

"Meredith, for God sakes, speak up. I cant hear you," her friend barked.

"You're gonna kill me…"

XX

Derek woke up several hours later, his head pounding, the other side of the bed cool by now. He wiped his eyes as he sat up, looking around the room, which was now empty of any proof that Meredith had been there.

"Meredith?" he called out as he stood. He walked across the room to pick up his boxers. He stepped into them and walked toward the bathroom as he called her name again. He spotted her note on the bathroom counter.

"Shit…" he said out loud, placing his hands on his hips, he let out a frustrated sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair as he read her note again. "Shit…"

XX

_Derek. I'm sorry; I had to go. I think we got married, though I can't be for certain. I'll be in touch. xoxo, Meredith._

"Shit," he muttered again as he let her note fall to the floor. The paper fell slowly, taunting him as he watched it. He picked his pants up from their bundled heap on the floor, stepping in to them carefully, and he found the offending slip of paper in his pocket.

Marriage license.

Official.

State of Nevada.

Signed, Derek Shepherd. Meredith Grey.

Dated, June 12th, 2009.

Witnessed by Julia Hanson. Austin O'Neal.

_Who?_

Officiant: The King.

_Classy._

All of the necessary signatures in the right places.

_Shit._

Derek ran his fingers through his hair again, staring at the paper in his hands, the shimmering of the wedding band catching his eye as he stood there alone, hungover, and with no way to get in contact with his runaway bride.

XXXXXX

**_Waking up in Vegas ~ Katy Perry_**

You gotta help me out  
It's all a blur last night  
We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke  
I lost my fake I'd but you lost the motel key  
Spare me your freakin' dirty looks  
Now don't play me  
You want to cash out and get the hell out of town

Don't be a baby  
Remember what you told me  
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas  
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

Why are these lights so bright  
Oh, did we get hitched last night, dressed up like Elvis,  
And why, why am I wearing your class ring?  
Don't call your mother  
'Cause now we're partners in crime

Don't be a baby  
Remember what you told me  
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas  
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

You got me into this  
Information overload, situation lost control  
Send out an S.O.S.  
And get some cash out  
We're gonna tear up the town

Don't be a baby  
Remember what you told me  
Remember what you told me  
Remember what you told me  
Told me, you told me, you told me  
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas  
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas  
Shake the glitter, shake, shake, shake the glitter, c'mon!  
Give me some cash out baby  
Give me some cash out, honey 


	5. I Googled you

**Song Inspiration: Lovefool – The Cardigans**

**_Four years, six months later…_**

DECEMBER 2013

Meredith lounged by the pool, an umbrella drink on the table to her left, the book she had meant to read months ago to her right. Cristina was floating on a raft in the pool, while Izzie lay on her stomach on a chaise lounge. It was December the thirteenth, and the three friends were on a short holiday, free from the confines of their home hospital in New York City. They decided to make the best out of their long weekend off and flew to Barbados, courtesy of Meredith's mother and stepfather. They were nearly six months in to their internship, and they were exhausted. They were grateful to end on the same rotation; they all had different residents, but were fortunate enough to get scheduled vacations for the same time.

"This is paradise," Izzie murmured, yawning as she sat up to take a sip of the daiquiri that the waiter had delivered just a few minutes before.

"Yeah, of course it's paradise to you," Cristina grumbled, pointing to the magazine that was on the ground next to Izzie's beach bag. A nearly-naked Izzie graced the back cover, dressed in Bethany Whisper garments, her hair long and flowing. "You are eight feet tall. Your boobs are perfect," she sighed, "your hair is down to there. If I was you, I would just walk around naked all the time. I wouldn't have a job, I wouldn't have any skills, I wouldn't even know how to read. I would just be... naked."

"Oh, please. I'm not that… the magazines? It's all make-up, retouching!" Izzie blushed. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You get that we hate you, right?" Cristina countered.

"Mhm," Meredith confirmed, raising an eyebrow at Izzie as she took a sip of her drink.

"Oh, whatever!" Izzie said, sticking her tongue out at her friends.

"Dr. Grey? I'm sorry to bother you," a young man dressed in a standard hotel employee's outfit said. "There's a phone call for you. Your husband... says it's urgent."

"Husband!?" Izzie's eyes widened. Cristina flipped backwards off the raft and sunk to the bottom of the pool, large bubbles floating up as she released the air she had breathed in. Meredith paled as she sat up, quickly standing to follow the man who had come to get her.

She followed him quickly to the front desk of the resort. Her friends were hot on her heels, their flip-flops thwacking against the tiles of the hotel lobby as Cristina explained that Meredith was married in a hushed whisper.

"Hello?" Meredith said into the phone, sitting down on the chair that the bellhop pulled out for her. "Derek?" she whispered.

…

"You need me to… oh… okay," she faltered, her skin still pale, appearing flustered as she talked to Derek on the phone.

…

"I'm on vacation in…" Meredith whispered, reaching for a pen and paper. "I don't need you to pay for the… Derek," she sighed.

…

Cristina and Izzie exchanged confused glances as they waited for Meredith to get off of the phone. "I'll be out there as soon as I can," Meredith sighed. "Bye, Derek."

"You're married?!" Izzie asked, standing up quickly.

"What's wrong?" Cristina asked at the same time, overwhelming Meredith.

"Yes. I am married," Meredith explained, delving into the details of her marriage to Derek Shepherd. She had nearly forgotten about it, she was more focused on school than anything, and now her internship. She hadn't heard from him since the night they married. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him; it was that she didn't know what to say. She could have looked up his contact information (she had Googled him on several occasions – he was doing very well, actually). It was that she wasn't one hundred percent sure that they were actually married, and Derek's phone call had confirmed it.

"So? What does he want? It's been nearly five years," Cristina said coolly, crossing her arms over his chest.

"He's engaged," Meredith whispered. "He needs me to come out to Seattle to sign some papers," she shrugged. "I'll have to pick some stuff up in Boston before I head out, more weather appropriate clothes, I guess," she mumbled.

"Are you ok?" Izzie asked, her eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"Why wouldn't I be ok?" Meredith shrugged, sighing a heaving sigh as she stood up from the chair.

"Because you're getting divorced," Cristina said slowly.

"I don't think it really matters," Meredith said softly. "I mean, it won't be any different," she added.

"It's still an ego blow," Cristina stated matter-of-factly.

"Can you miss something you've never really had?" Meredith countered as she turned to return to her hotel room. "I have to pack my shit," she called behind her, trying so very hard not to let her anxiety take over.

XX

She made it home early the next morning; the flight wasn't too bad, they had only hit mild patches of turbulence. As always, security and customs were a pain in the ass, but she had much greater things on her mind. She had insisted that Izzie and Cristina stay in Barbados, but they had refused, flying home with Meredith. Meredith called the hospital from the taxi, explaining that she needed to speak with the Chief of surgery (who, thank God, was an old friend of her mother's). He had pulled a few strings, allowing her to take a personal leave for a week, and if it took longer, he said he knew the chief at a good hospital out in Seattle, and he was certain, that with Meredith's credentials (and being Ellis Grey's daughter, and Richard Webber's stepdaughter certainly didn't hurt any) that they would allow her to continue her internship there. She thanked him, and he said that he understood.

_Life happens._

She was out of the taxi and up the six flights of stairs before she knew it, bustling through her apartment to gather her things in order to make it back to the airport in time. She gathered some warmer clothes and tossed them into the duffel bag she had taken to Las Vegas all those years before. She rummaged through her drawers, searching for her wedding ring. She found the velvet box that encased the ring from Mark, and in place of Mark's ring (which she had pawned for money a few years back) was the golden dice wedding band from Derek and a poker chip that she had found in her bag.

Upon searching the drawer, she found a picture from the wedding chapel in which she and Derek had married, their arms wrapped around one another, their grins lopsided and wide, their eyes glossy from too much alcohol. She wore a gaudy "I'm a bride!" sash across her chest – she hadn't even remembered that! For Christ sakes, how fucking drunk was she? – and Derek wore a matching one, announcing him as the groom.

She hesitantly tossed the picture into the bag; slipping her winter boots on, as she quickly headed out the door, back to the waiting cab, and into the hustle and bustle of the airports in the holiday season.

XX

"Ladies and gentlemen," the flight attendant announced over the speaker as the plane touched down in Seattle. "We are now arriving, as scheduled. Thank you for flying with us today! Have a safe and happy holiday season!" she said cheerfully as the seatbelt sign went off and the bell chimed, signaling it was ok for the passengers to begin to gather their things.

She hoisted the bag down from the overhead compartment and lugged it behind her, gripping the gold ring in her left hand. Oddly enough, she hadn't been able to put it down since she had found it; a wave of nostalgia had overcome her the moment she picked it up.

But Derek was getting married. He hadn't given her many details, but she knew that there would be lawyers to argue with, his son to meet, and possibly a jealous fiancée to contend with. She wasn't sure why, but as she left the plane, she felt a wave of sadness wash over her. She hadn't known Derek very well – hell, she hadn't heard from him in nearly five years, for God sakes, but that still didn't help the fact that Cristina was right.

A divorce at twenty-six is certainly a blow to the ego.

She recognized him immediately as she spotted him, waiting at the arrivals board. He was alone (thank God) and he grinned when he saw her.

_Put on a happy face._

"Baby!" she cooed, her fake cheerfulness apparent as he approached her. They met in the middle, and she flung herself at him in an eager hug, and she swore that the butterflies returned as he held her tightly.

"Thank you, Meredith, for coming out," he whispered into her ear.

"Just doing my wifely duties," she replied smartly, pulling away from him.

"Well, I guess we should get going," Derek mumbled awkwardly, lifting the bag from Meredith's arms. "Is that your ring?" he asked amusedly, a sly grin unfolding on his lips. She nodded in response as he led her toward the exit. "For the record," he whispered, "I still have mine, too."

"Good to know," Meredith replied, her tone somewhat sarcastic as he led her outside toward the parking garage to his car, and toward what she was certain would be an uncomfortable car ride.

XX

Meredith fell asleep in the car, though it wasn't a long car ride. She was a creature of habit, and nearly every time after a cross-country flight, she'd fall asleep in the car, no matter the company (unless it was a cab). Her thoughts ran wild in her head as she heard the sounds – the gentle winter rain in Seattle, Derek's regular breath cycles, and the faint sound of the radio – around her. He hadn't said much about Christopher, or his fiancée, and, as always, she was nervous at the prospect of meeting new people. Especially meeting the family of her… _for the lack of a better word_… husband.

"Meredith," Derek whispered, timidly placing a hand on her shoulder. "We're just about there," he said awkwardly.

"Mmm, where are we?" she whispered, her voice hoarse.

"On the ferry. From there, it's about a three mile drive," Derek replied.

"Please tell me you're not," she paused as a yawn escaped her lips, "still living in a trailer. Please tell me that my brilliant neurosurgeon husband…" she smirked.

"I built a house," he chuckled as she stretched her arms.

"Good," she retorted. "You deserve better. Which is probably why you're divorcing me," Meredith added softly.

"Mer…"

"No, I get it," she sighed dramatically. "You take advantage of a young girl in Vegas, and leave her hanging for nearly five years, only to divorce said girl. And you haven't ever tried to contact her, either. It's quite sad," she added, batting her eyelashes. "I mean, this poor girl could be the one…"

"Now wait a minute," Derek grinned, "if I recall correctly, this said girl left _me_ in Vegas, and left a 'note' saying that she'd be in contact… and she never once tried to contact me."

"I Googled you," Meredith blushed, turning away from Derek to look out the window. "But you're not listed in the White Pages."

"I don't need patients finding me and stalking me," he said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't try to get a hold of you."

"It's fine," she said shortly, signaling that she was done with the conversation.

"I really am sorry," he shrugged, returning his attention to the road and the rain. They reached Derek's land a few moments later, the pair of them hesitating before stepping out of the car to deal with the mess that had become the doctors' Shepherds' lives.

XXXX

**_Lovefool - The Cardigans_**

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem  
you love me no longer, I know  
and maybe there is nothing  
that I can do to make you do  
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother  
that I ought just stick to another man  
a man that surely deserves me  
but I think you do!

So I cry, and I pray and I beg

Love me love me  
say that you love me  
fool me fool me  
go on and fool me  
love me love me  
pretend that you love me  
lead me lead me  
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to  
Love me love me  
say that you love me  
lead me lead me  
just say that you need me  
I can't care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered,  
spent my nights awake and I wonder  
what I could have done in another way  
to make you stay  
Reason will not reach a solution  
I will end up lost in confusion  
I don't care if you really care  
as long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me  
say that you love me  
fool me fool me  
go on and fool me  
love me love me  
pretend that you love me  
lead me lead me  
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to  
Love me love me  
say that you love me  
lead me lead me  
just say that you need me  
I can't care about anything but you

(anything but you)

Love me love me  
say that you love me  
fool me fool me  
go on and fool me  
Love me love me  
I know that you need me  
I can't care about anything but you


	6. Meeting Christopher

**Song Inspiration: Realize - Colbie Caillat**

XXX

"Dad!" Christopher yelled, hopping down the steps and waving his arms as Derek helped Meredith with her bag. "Is that her?" he screeched as he ran through the slushy winter puddles, his boots sending the slush flying, he didn't have a coat on. A young woman stepped onto the porch, calling after him with his coat in her hands.

"Hey, bud," Derek replied as the little boy wrapped his arms around his father's legs. "This is Meredith. Mer, this is my son Christopher."

"Well, hello Christopher," Meredith cooed, bending down to his eye level, shooting Derek a wary glance as she noticed the woman on the porch. She gave the little boy a high five, and he eagerly slapped her hand in return. He reached out to give her a hug, instantly bonding with his father's wife.

"You can call me Chris, Meri," he said honestly, looking up to her, his eyes shining. She smiled down at him, unsure of what to say as she stood, an awkward silence surrounding the trio.

"Let's get inside, bud," Derek said, if only to fill the awkward silence. He couldn't help but notice that his son had taken to Meredith right away, whereas with his fiancée, it had taken him a few months to warm up to her. He shook his head as Chris took Meredith's hand in his and led her back to the house.

XX

The first thing Meredith noticed about Derek's house was that Christmas paraphernalia covered nearly every inch of available space in the log cabin-esque home Derek had built on his property in Seattle. Thick garlands and twinkling lights covered each railing and banister; mistletoe hung from the archway that connected the living room with the kitchen. A large Christmas village – complete with miniature people, animals and a real working train – took up a large portion of the great room. But the most prevalent thing of all was perhaps the large Christmas tree that was on display near the fireplace in the family room. Hundreds of ornaments, twinkling lights, cranberry and popcorn garlands and candy canes covered each and every branch of the tree that was easily ten feet tall.

"Wow," Meredith sighed as she kicked her boots off.

"Isn't it _awesome_?" Chris asked her excitedly, kicking his own boots off in much the same fashion as his … stepmother … did. "Daddy and me; we did it. All by ourselves."

"You did an awesome job, Chris," Meredith smiled. "Hi," she said, extending her right hand to the woman that had been on the porch. The woman smiled as she stepped forward, shaking Meredith's hand softly. "I'm Meredith Shepherd," Meredith smirked, rolling her eyes slightly. "And you must be the woman who's going to marry my husband."

"Addison," the woman replied, her voice tense and high pitched.

"It's nice to meet you," Meredith said as Derek closed the door behind him, setting Meredith's bag down.

"You too," she said shortly. "I made hot chocolate, Derek," she added, turning and walking out of the room, back toward the kitchen. "Christopher? Can you come help me?"

The little boy nodded eagerly, finally releasing Meredith's left hand as he skipped into the kitchen, sliding slightly on the wooden floors in his socks.

"Aw, what's a matta, Derek?" Meredith smirked. "The fiancée is less than thrilled to meet your wife?"

"Will you just chill?" he replied, running his fingers through his damp hair. "She's sensitive about the issue," he shrugged.

"Aww, boo hoo," she teased as he led the way into the living room. "She's pretty, Derek. What does she do?"

"She's a doctor, too. Obstetrics and gynecology, neonatology," he rattled off. "Damn good geneticist, too."

"She's your age?

"A few years older," Derek replied as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Meredith.

"Oh," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Cougar? Me-oww," she teased.

"Will you please…?" Derek begged.

"I'll be on my best behavior, Derek," she grinned, giving him a wink as she sat back against the couch. He gave her a sideways glance and she smirked in response, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"Don't make me regret bringing you out here, Meredith," he teased, turning his attention to Addison as she carried a tray with four mugs of hot cocoa into the living room. Chris held a plate filled with Christmas cookies and he stood still behind Addison, waiting for further instructions. Meredith noticed how much he looked like his father – wavy brown hair, the same toothy grin, the same almost-dimple on his cheek. His eyes, though, were a deep sparkly brown… _must be like his mother's._

As Addison handed out the mugs, an awkward silence consumed the four of them. Chris set the plate down on the coffee table and hopped on to the couch, sitting in between Meredith and Derek.

"Sorry to have to bring you back from your vacation," Addison said awkwardly as she sat down on the loveseat. "But thank you, for coming, to do this…"

"No problem," Meredith replied, taking a sip of the hot chocolate. She smiled at Chris, a trace of chocolate on her top lip. The little boy smiled and followed suit, making sure to leave some of the beverage on his upper lip. He gave Meredith a lopsided grin. "We match, bud!" she said with a small laugh as Addison and Derek exchanged a look.

"We do!" he grinned, giving Meredith another high five.

XX

After an hour or so of awkward conversation, Christopher fell asleep on the couch, and he slouched over, resting his head on Meredith's shoulder. Addison had noticeably shut down as Meredith made herself comfortable as Meredith and Derek reminisced about their time in Vegas. Meredith had some questions she wanted to ask Derek, but she didn't want to ask them in front of Addison.

"Well, I think I'm going to bed," Addison stated, standing up from her position on the loveseat. She leaned over the couch and gave Derek a needy, lingering kiss. "Do you want me to take Christopher upstairs?" she whispered.

"No, he's fine," Derek replied, "unless Meredith's uncomfortable…"

"Please," Meredith teased. "The kid weighs twenty pounds."

"Ok, then," Addison mumbled. "I'll be upstairs. Good night, Meredith. It was nice to meet you. Derek…?"

"I'll be up in a bit," he replied.

"Nice to meet you too," Meredith said cheerfully, watching as Addison climbed up the stairs to the bedroom. Meredith and Derek were silent until they heard the door click shut, and the water in the master bathroom turn on. "Ya wanna know what I think?"

"Not really," Derek sighed, a smile playing on his lips.

"She's… ok… She's kind of old. She's got that whole wide-eyed, 'ooh! His wife is HOT' thing going on, but she's nice enough," Meredith shrugged, her voice an amused whisper. "Is that what you were going for? The anti-Meredith?"

"Meredith," he sighed, covering Chris with a blanket. The little boy snuggled closer to Meredith, and she wrapped her arm protectively around him, placing a gentle kiss on his head.

"He's a good boy," she remarked. "Very cute, seems smart. Must be just like his daddy. He still has his baby cheeks… how old is he now?"

"He'll be seven next July."

"Awww," she cooed. "Does he like Addison? She doesn't seem like she'd be the kids kind, you know, very kid friendly, or whatever," Meredith added, noticing the scowl Derek was giving her.

"Will you just lay off?" Derek argued weakly, secretly amused by Meredith's opinions on Addison.

"I'm just doing my wifely duties," she teased, "you know, the nagging wife," she giggled. "I'm sorry Derek."

"I'm sorry too," he said honestly. "I should have… could have called. I would have never known what to say to you. 'Hey, remember me! I'm your husband… yeah, Vegas...'"

"Seriously," she laughed. "What did you do with the money, Derek?" Meredith asked as the little boy let out a big yawn, and a tiny snore escaped him. "He really is just like his daddy!"

"Shush," he smirked, his eyes dancing in the lights from the Christmas tree. "The money," Derek smirked. "That's in a separate bank account, earning interest."

"You didn't spend it?"

"Babe," he said softly, "that money is _ours_. I couldn't just spend it."

And awkward silence surrounded them as the fire in the fireplace crackled. Derek shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of what to say. Meredith sat there and stared at him, working up the nerve to ask him the questions she had for him.

"Derek?" she whispered a long five minutes later.

"Meredith?"

"Why did you… I mean… when we were playing that game, you know, in Vegas. Why was that… _proposal_ your question?" she whispered. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I guess, but I just… I've always wondered."

"Do you remember what I told you about my relationship with Kim?" he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

~*~*~*~*~

_"Here's to being dark and twisty," Meredith offered, clinking her beer glass with his._

"To being dark and twisty," he smiled weakly.

"How old is your son?" she asked politely, sipping on the drink, watching as the sparkle return to his eyes.

"He'll be two in a month. I know, I know; we were really young when we got married and had him. Hell, I'm only twenty-six right now, Meredith, but… Kim was my best friend. She was just one of those girls where you just [i]knew. _That's what life should be about. Impulse decisions that make you happy; go with your gut, you know?" he said, taking another sip, raising his eyebrow at her. "How long are you here, Meredith?"_

"Until next Wednesday," she replied, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow?" he asked. "We can grab something to eat, go to a show, try your luck at Craps – for real next time," Derek winked, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a quick hug.

"I would love to go out with you tomorrow, Derek," Meredith said softly.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he replied, a shy smile lighting on his lips. "Would you like me to walk you back to the hotel?"

"Yes, please," she whispered. In that moment, he leaned over and kissed her, surprising her slightly, but that didn't stop her from returning the kiss. It was slow and gentle, not forced at all – unlike each and every kiss she had ever shared with Mark. He broke away gently, placing another quick kiss on her lips before standing and offering his hand to her. She pulled her coat on and grabbed his hand, giggling slightly and glad she found someone to share her first evening in Las Vegas with.  


~*~*~*~*~

"I remember," Meredith nodded after a moment, smiling slightly. "So you really thought…"

"You could have been," Derek shrugged. "That's the thing with going with your gut, you know. You could be right, or you can be wrong. It's black and white, there are no gray areas."

"I'm sorry that I left," Meredith whispered, her eyes inexplicably filling with tears. "I'm sorry that we made a mistake."

"I never said that," Derek replied softly. "There are things we could have done differently, sure, but I just think that the timing was against us," he sighed, and a wave of sadness washed over Meredith. "I should probably get him to bed," he said a beat later, filling another silence that surrounded them.

"Good idea," Meredith replied as a tear trickled down her cheek. She swiped it quickly, hoping that Derek didn't notice, but she knew he probably had. He stood up slowly and bent down to pick the little boy up from his spot on the couch. Meredith's heart skipped a beat as Derek touched her hip on accident.

"There's a guest bedroom… right next to Christopher's," Derek said softly, his lips inches away from Meredith's. "I'll turn the light on for you and put your things up there."

"You don't have to," she countered, not leaving her spot on the couch as Derek turned away from her, the little boy snuggled against his father's chest. She shook her head as he scooped her bag up and made his way up the stairs, waiting until she was sure that Derek had reached his own bedroom to let more tears fall.

_God damn it._

She was falling for him – all over again.

XX

**_ Colbie Caillat - Realize_**

V1: Take time to realize,  
That your warmth is  
Crashing down on in.  
Take time to realize,  
That I am on your side  
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,  
No it's never gonna be that simple  
No I cant spell it out for you

C: If you just realize what I just realized,  
Then we'd be perfect for each other  
and will never find another  
Just realized what I just realized  
we'd never have to wonder if  
we missed out on each other now.

V2: Take time to realize  
Oh-oh I'm on your side  
didn't I, didn't I tell you.  
Take time to realize  
This all can pass you by  
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,  
no it's never gonna be that simple  
no I can't spell it out for you.

C: If you just realized what I just realized  
then we'd be perfect for each other  
then we'd never find another  
Just realized what I just realized  
we'd never have to wonder if  
we missed out on each other now.

V3: It's not always the same  
no it's never the same  
if you don't feel it too.  
If you meet me half way  
If you would meet me half way.  
It could be the same for you.

C: If you just realize what I just realized  
then we'd be perfect for each other  
then we'd never find another  
Just realize what I just realized  
we'd never have to wonder  
Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

OoOoOOo

missed out on each other now  
missed out on each other now


	7. Snow Day

**Song Inspiration: It's About Time - Lillix**

"It's snowing!" a little voice screeched in the wee hours of the morning. Little feet thundered down the hallway, the yelling carrying on as the little voice announced the arrival of snow. Meredith sat straight up in bed, fiercely wiping her eyes, trying to make out the numbers on the digital clock that sat on the dresser across the room.

_6:45 a.m._

She yawned, still disoriented, and she panicked as she struggled to remember where she was. The red flannel sheets were unfamiliar, the bedroom was, too, as was the excited voice of the little boy that was running back and forth up and down the hallway.

"MEREDITH!" the little boy shouted, banging on her door, flinging it open before she even had a chance to respond. "It's snowing!" he said excitedly, running across the room and jumping up on to the bed.

"What are you doing up so early, bud?" she yawned, stretching her arms over her head. She shivered slightly as the little boy bounced on the bed.

"No school!" Chris said, grinning brightly, his two front teeth missing. "It never snows this much before Christmas," he added. "The grass is completely covered, Meredith!"

"Wow," she said, a sleepy smile on her face. "I guess that means we'll have to…," she paused for dramatic emphasis, "have a snowball fight!"

Christopher's eyes lit up at her suggestion, and he nodded enthusiastically before hopping off the bed and running back down the hallway.

"Sorry he woke you up," Derek said as he leaned on the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest. "You could always go back to sleep, Meredith."

"Nah. It's ok… It's really 9:45 in my time zone, and its not like I'm on vacation or anything," she shrugged. "Do you have coffee?"

"I do," Derek nodded. "Would you like me to make some?"

"Yes, please," Meredith replied, a small yawn escaping her lips. She covered her mouth as her eyes watered slightly, she giggled to fill the silence.

"Do you want me to make breakfast?"

"I can help," she replied, standing up from the bed. "Do you always keep your house this cold, Derek?" she teased, rubbing her arms to try to rid her skin of the goosebumps that had risen in response to the chilly winter air. He smiled in response and shook his head, taking off his robe, he tossed it to her. "Addison won't be mad?" Meredith quipped, rolling her eyes slightly as she put the warm bathrobe on, the warmth from Derek's body warming her instantly.

He shook his head again and turned back towards his bedroom to get dressed.

"I'll be down in five minutes!" she called out after him, placing her hands on her hips and pausing momentarily, long enough to calm the butterflies in her stomach.

X

After Meredith dressed, she hopped down the steps in socked feet, Christopher on her heels the entire time. He led her to the kitchen, where Derek was wearing a 'kiss the cook' apron over his red button-up shirt. Christmas music blasted from the stereo and Derek sang along, slightly off key, as he dumped spoonfuls of coffee grounds into the coffee filter.

"Nice apron," Meredith chided, sitting down on one of the barstools at the island counter. "What do you need help with?"

"Helpers don't get to sit down," Derek teased. "Can you grab some eggs out of the fridge? Please?"

"Sure," she replied, sliding out of the stool, she crossed the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Where's Addison?"

"She had an early morning shift today… important consult or something," Derek shrugged as he closed the lid to the coffee pot and flicked the switch, the deep aroma of filtering coffee instantly filling the air.

"Eggs," Meredith said in response, handing them to Christopher.

"Eggs," he giggled, handing them to his father.

"Ham!" she added, again handing the food to the little boy.

"Ham!" Christopher squeaked. Derek rolled his eyes, as he set the lunchmeat down on the counter.

"Anything else, you two?" Derek teased as he reached for a mixing bowl. Meredith looked down at Christopher, who just shrugged his shoulders. "Or are you done?"

Meredith shut the fridge. "I guess we are!" she said, ruffling Christopher's hair. He hopped back over toward the island and jumped up onto the barstool, resting his chin in his hands as he watched his dad crack the eggs into the bowl.

"What do you want me to do now?" Meredith asked as Derek cracked another egg.

"You can make the toast," Derek shrugged, whipping the egg with a whisk, adding salt and pepper to the bowl. He continued making the breakfast, the conversation between the three of them was light and entertaining, for the little boy's excitement about the snow day was palpable, light holiday happiness surrounded the three of them.

They were laughing and carrying on, talking about the snow, not even focusing on anything but their conversation, until a thick black smoke filled the kitchen.

"Jesus Christ, Meredith!" Derek said, trying his best to sound mad, but his grin broke through. "You don't know how to make toast?!"

"I thought it would pop… up… when it was finished!" she said defensively, crossing her arms over her chest, feigning offense as she pouted.

"Meredith," Chris said, shaking his head, "you should have taken it off of the bagel setting, silly!"

"Oh, I should have, huh?" she replied, hopping off of the barstool and tickling the little boy. His laughter filled the air, and the burnt toast was forgotten as Meredith and Chris bonded.

XX

After their breakfast (burned toast and all), the three of them bundled up and headed outside as promised. The snow was still falling quite steadily (apparently this was rare for Seattle, or so Derek and the newscasters kept saying) and a lot of the main roads were closed because of the storm. Derek and Christopher had made a snowman while Meredith worked on a fort to hide behind for the snowball fight.

"Let's get ready to ruuuuuuumble!" the little boy yelled as he ran full force toward Meredith. He dodged three snowballs that his father had tossed in his direction and leapt over the snow wall that Meredith had made.

"Here!" she whispered, handing Christopher a few snowballs to throw at Derek. She scooped some up herself and threw them, missing Derek by mere inches. He ran towards them and knocked the carefully constructed snow fort down.

"No cheating!" he teased as he ran away from them, dodging snowballs, their laughter filling the air.

"Cheating? I'll show you cheating, Shepherd!" Meredith screeched as she scooped some snow up and ran towards Derek, who was now hiding behind the snowman. She ran full force at him, and as she neared him, he threw a snowball that hit her directly in the face. "Oh my God! I'm gonna kick your ASS!" she yelled, wiping the cold snow from her face.

"Awww! Meri said a bad word!" Christopher teased, tossing a snowball at Derek, nearly hitting his father in the leg.

"Sorry," she blushed, her cheeks reddening further. She threw the snow she had gathered at Derek, and at that exact moment, he turned and was hit square in the back with the heavy snow. He stumbled forward, knocking into the snowman, and knocking it down. Meredith's eyes widened as Chris gasped. Derek didn't move.

Until he broke into laughter. His loud laugh filtered through the snowy air, the hat he had been wearing had fallen off and was nearly buried in the snow a few feet away from him. He was completely whitewashed, lifting his face from the ground, the snow dripped from his face quickly as he shook his head. Chris and Meredith exchanged a glance, and they broke into laughter as well as the little boy jumped into the snow.

"Oh, no, Grey!" Derek yelled, standing up and brushing himself off. "Payback is a B-I-T-C-H!" he added as he ran towards Meredith and tackled her to the ground, her own hat falling off on impact.

"Ahhh!" she screamed, looking directly into his eyes as he lay on top of her. Visible puffs of air circulated in the air between them; he looked down at her, and their eyes remained locked on one another. Neither of them moved for a few more minutes, and it was all Meredith could do not to kiss him.

Their breathing was irregular and heavy, both of them trying to catch their breath, neither of them breaking eye contact.

"Mmm, Derek," she whispered fiercely a few moments later, her heart still beating out of her chest. "Derek…"

"What?" he said, placing his hands on the snow, pushing himself up slightly.

"I think you can get off of me now," she added as he pushed himself up further, allowing her to roll out from under him.

"Sorry," Derek mumbled as he sat back on his knees, another awkward silence surrounded them.

"Dad! You ruined the snowman," Christopher finally said, noting the looks Meredith and Derek had exchanged. He plopped down in the snow beside Derek, his nose red and cheeks flushed.

"Sorry, buddy," Derek replied, standing up. "Let's go inside, to warm up, grab some hot chocolate. I can make a fire," he offered.

"Sounds awesome," Chris said excitedly. "I love snow days!" he squealed as he stood up and ran into the house.

"Meredith?" Derek called as he walked backwards toward the house. "Are you coming?"

"Give me a minute," she replied, still sitting in the snow; she had been too afraid to move. What the hell was she doing? She was supposed to sign divorce papers, not bond with Derek and his son.

She traced her name in the snow, followed by a heart, and finally traced Derek's name. She stood up, shaking her head; she kicked the words in the snow, clearing them away in an angry swipe. She choked back another set of tears – he was having this crazy effect on her – as she made her way back into the house.

XXX

_**Lillix - It's About Time**_

_**I hate you, I love you**_

_**I just can't remember to forget you**_

_**Who are you, who needs you?**_

_**You make me feel alive, I die, so high**_

_**I'm crawling on the ground**_

_**And I found I can fly**_

_**One of these days it all comes together**_

_**One of those days that goes on forever**_

_**Think it sounds crazy? Maybe, whatever**_

_**What's it all about?**_

_**[Chorus:]**_

_**It's about life, it's about fun**_

_**It's over before it has begun**_

_**It's about you, it's about me**_

_**It's about everything between and I say**_

_**I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue**_

_**It's about time that I**_

_**Make up my mind**_

_**It's simple, confusing, the truth is I'm winning but I'm losing**_

_**And pulling and pushing, won't do me any good**_

_**It could, it should**_

_**I'm honest to myself that the truth is I lied**_

_**One of these days it all comes together**_

_**One of those days that goes on forever**_

_**Think it sounds crazy? Maybe, whatever**_

_**What's it all about?**_

_**[Chorus]**_

_**Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me**_

_**Fading the words so desperately**_

_**Now give me a reason that I can believe in**_

_**Time is something you can't rewind**_

_**One of these days it all comes together**_

_**One of those days that goes on forever**_

_**Think it sounds crazy? Maybe, whatever**_

_**What's it all about?**_

_**[Chorus]**_


	8. You gotta kiss her!

**Song Inspiration: Can't Help Falling In Love (Cover) – Ingrid Michaelson**

X

"Thanks," Meredith said softly as Derek handed her the steaming mug of hot cocoa. She gripped the ceramic mug in both hands; she moved the mug to her lips to take a tiny sip, breathing in the scent of chocolate and cinnamon. She refused to make eye contact with him, though she knew his eyes were still focused on her.

"You're welcome," he replied as he sat down on the couch beside her. At his father's insistence, Christopher was now taking a nap following his bath; Derek explained that he was just getting over a cold, and they weren't taking any chances considering Christmas was just about a week away. They didn't talk as they sat there, awkwardly sipping at the hot chocolate, both of them trying to figure out where to go from there.

"So," Meredith whispered, her voice cracking slightly, "uh, how does this whole divorce thing work? Is it divorce, annulment, or what?"

"What?" Derek replied, sitting up straight in his chair.

"This divorce or whatever," she shrugged. "Isn't that why you called me from my vacation in Barbados? I have yet to see those papers, Shepherd," Meredith smirked, setting her now-empty mug down on the coaster on the coffee table.

He leaned forward, setting his mug down next to hers, his cheeks blushing slightly. "I thought you'd want to get settled in a bit first. We have to discuss how we'll split the money, the assets…"

"Assets?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"Well, yeah, I mean… we're married," he smirked, his blue eyes sparkling, nearly black in color. "What's mine is yours."

"Derek…," she whispered, shaking her head. "I don't think it really counts," Meredith added softly, pulling her legs up and curling them under her. His lips opened and closed as he tried to find the right words, but he couldn't say anything before Meredith spoke again. "I don't even know you."

"I'll be right back," Derek said as he stood up from the couch. She watched him as he climbed the staircase (taking two steps at a time). He returned moments later, photo album in hand, along with a worn out piece of paper.

"See this?" he asked as he sat back down beside Meredith, unfolding the piece of paper. "This is our marriage license. We're really married, Meredith. I mean, sure… these two random people were witnesses, and we were married by some fat Elvis impersonator," he grinned, "but it's real. We're married, kid."

"For better or for worse," Meredith quipped, biting her lower lip as Derek chuckled. "What's that?"

"Oh. Just favorite pictures from over the years," he shrugged, handing Meredith the photo album. She flipped through the pages slowly, cooing over pictures of Christopher as a baby and as a younger boy. Derek explained bits and pieces of memories as she looked through the photographs.

The butterflies attacked full force when she flipped the album open to the last page. Taped to the back inside cover of the album was a picture identical to the photograph she had brought with her from their wedding in Vegas. "What?" Derek asked as Meredith looked at him, her eyes wide, her lips opening and closing now, matching his earlier actions.

"I didn't know there was more than one copy of this," she replied softly, running her finger over the edge of the photograph.

"Ah, yeah, ah, I…. had them print two," he said sheepishly, slightly stumbling over his words.

"I still can't believe we did that," Meredith remarked, closing the photo album, pushing the image of their wedding out of her mind.

"We were young, impulsive," Derek shrugged, "it was a challenge, you know?"

"It was the alcohol!" she teased, and Derek feigned offense. "I mean… I'm pretty sure that everything was real, but perhaps our decision… to do what we did," she faltered, "was, ah, fueled by the alcohol."

"Like I said. We were impulsive," he said with a wink.

"So, Derek, really. Where do we go from here? We've got options, right? Divorce means…," she whispered, the words failing her. Derek simply nodded in response, knowing full well that they both knew what it meant. "And then there's annulment; I know what that one means," she said softly. "Like it never happened," she sighed.

"I can't do that, Meredith," Derek soothed, turning to face her. She looked away from him, but he took her chin in his hands, tilting it up, forcing her eyes to meet his – _green on blue._ "I can't pretend that I never married you, that I never made this decision," he smiled, his eyes sparkling. "It happened, and we're dealing with it."

"So, I guess divorce is the big winner," Meredith teased, a slight smile slowly returning to her lips. "Ding, ding, ding!" she added, sticking her tongue out at Derek.

"Dad?" Christopher called out from the top of the stairs, standing there in his superhero pajamas, his hair messy and tangled from his nap. "Can we make Christmas cookies?" he asked as he sat down on the step and began to slide down the stairs one by one. "Please?"

"Sure," Derek replied, smiling at the little boy.

"Can Meredith help?" he asked innocently as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"If she wants to, bud."

"Meredith, do you wanna make Christmas cookies with daddy and me?" he asked as he crossed the room and sat down in her lap, catching her slightly off guard. She hugged him closer to her body, breathing in the innocent scent of the little boy that she couldn't help but love. "Pretty please?"

"I would love to," she replied, and Christopher leapt out of her lap and hugged her in response. Derek rolled his eyes at the little boy's excitement, watching as Meredith returned the hug.

"I guess we should go into the kitchen then," Derek said as he stood up. His words sent the little boy flying into the kitchen, slipping and sliding on the wooden floor in his socked feet. "He's crazy."

"He's adorable," Meredith replied, her eyes sparkling as she stood and followed the Shepherd boys into the kitchen.

XX

The loud Christmas music filled the house once again as they baked the Christmas cookies, the little boy dancing around Meredith and Derek's feet as they prepared the dough and cut out the cookie shapes with cookie cutters. The three of them sang off key together, the Christmas spirit had captured all of them as the winter storm was forgotten outside.

"Meredith!" Derek playfully scolded as he caught Meredith and his son red-handed, big spoonfuls of raw cookie dough in their mouths. "You can't eat that raw! There's raw eggs in there!" he teased.

"Chris," Meredith said, looking to the little boy. "That's just what daddies say to little boys so they can eat more dough for themselves," she teased, her eyes shimmering as Derek sighed.

"If he gets sick…," Derek warned as the phone rang, the ringing somehow louder than the colorful cover of 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.'

"I can't hear you!" Meredith yelled back as she reached for the phone, turning the stereo down as she answered the ringing telephone. "Shepherd residence," she chirped cheerfully, her smile fading instantly as she realized it was Addison. "He's right here."

'Who is it?' he mouthed to Meredith as she handed him the phone.

'Addison,' she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Hey," he said softly into the phone, turning and walking out of the room for some privacy. Chris looked up at Meredith and shook his head slightly, an amused grin crossing his lips as he put the spoon back in the bowl, reaching for more cookie dough. He held his finger up to his lips, shushing Meredith with a giggle as he popped the spoon back into his mouth, eating more cookie dough.

"You're a goofball," Meredith sighed as she turned around and walked over to the table. "Do you want to ice these cookies while we wait for your daddy?"

"Sure," he replied, hopping over to the table to help Meredith frost the Christmas tree and candy cane shaped cookies.

"Alright." Derek's voice became louder as he made his way back into the kitchen, "Keep us updated, ok? Yeah. Good luck. Love you too."

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked as she set one of the cookies back down onto the wax paper.

"They shut the main roads down in town; she's stuck at the hospital for the evening," Derek sighed as he sat down at the table. "She's upset that we made the cookies without her, I guess," he added a moment later, not looking up from the rows of cookies that remained undecorated.

"Sorry, dad," Christopher whispered sincerely, his forehead creasing as he frowned.

"It's ok, bud… we can always make more," Derek replied, looking in to his eyes. "So. Did you two find the sprinkles to decorate with… or did you eat all of those, too?" he teased, the sparkle returning to his eyes as he glanced to Meredith.

"I didn't know where they were," she said, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

"Cabinet over the microwave," he said, "if you want to grab those… Christopher and I will finish icing these, and then we can put the sprinkles on to finish them up."

"Sounds like a plan," Meredith replied as she crossed the kitchen. She opened the cabinet Derek had indicated and instantly found the holiday themed sprinkles. She tossed them into her other hand as she walked back toward the father and son duo that sat at the kitchen table, her heart nearly beating out of her chest. She paused for a moment, watching as the father and son decorated the holiday treats, and she felt a pang of guilt. If she hadn't run away in Vegas, she maybe could have been here the whole time, getting to know Derek and his son. Instead, she thought to herself, she would be dealing with triple the heartbreak - divorce, losing Derek, and losing Christopher, who had so quickly stolen her heart. She sighed as she continued walking, and the little boy gave her a toothless grin as she approached them.

XX

Just about twenty minutes later, after the five or so dozen cookies were fully decorated, and the excess dough was refrigerated for later use, Derek was putting the cookies in a red and green Tupperware container for safekeeping. Christopher and Meredith had each already consumed a half dozen of the festive treats, much to Derek's dismay. Meredith stood in the archway between the kitchen and the living room, watching as the little boy played with dozens of Matchbox cars.

A small giggle filtered through the living room.

"What are you laughing at?" Meredith smirked, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wall. "Huh, little one?" she asked as Christopher continued to giggle.

"Daddy," the little boy giggled, pointing to Meredith. Derek peeked over Meredith's shoulder as he approached the archway. "Look where Meri's standing," he laughed, his toothless grin bringing a smile to Meredith's face. She blushed as she looked above her, the mistletoe dangling in the archway. "You gotta kiss her!"

"I do?" Derek asked, clearly amused by his son's antics. He stepped closer to Meredith as Christopher nodded. "You mean on the cheek?"

"No, dad," the little boy sighed, setting the cars down. "You gotta kiss her on the lips, like they do in the movies," he added as he shook his head at his father. Meredith and Derek exchanged a glance as Chris let out another frustrated sigh. He stood up and crossed the room, "Here," he offered, taking Derek's hand in his own, pulling his father closer to Meredith. He placed Derek's hand in Meredith's, and stepped back. "Go on," Christopher said, waving his hand in the air.

"Christopher...," Derek warned, shaking his head at the little boy's insistence. But Chris just stood there, his arms crossed over his chest, waiting for his father to kiss her.

"Derek, I think we should just," Meredith sighed as a smile unfolded on Christopher's lips, "kiss already." The little boy nodded.

"Fine," Derek replied, turning to face Meredith. She stood on her tiptoes, and placed her hands at the base of his neck. Derek leaned down and covered her lips with his; the familiar electricity dancing between them as she closed her eys and leaned in, letting him kiss her. He took her face in his hands, instantly deepening the kiss.

Meredith's eyes popped open in surprise, and a second later she pulled away from Derek. "Oh my God," Meredith said, simply shocked by the display that they had put on in front of that little boy. "Oh, my God," she said again as she stepped away from Derek, and quickly bolted up the stairs.

The father and son duo exchanged a glance as they heard the bedroom door shut. "Way to go, dad," Christopher sighed, shaking his head, sitting back down to play with the cars once again.

"It's your fault," Derek said defensively, rubbing his hands over his face, leaning against the wall and letting out a frustrated sigh.

XX

Meredith paced around the guest room, running her fingers through her hair, admittedly panicking as her thoughts ran wild. Derek had kissed her; but more than that, he kissed her like he meant it, and that scared the hell out of her.

They were supposed to be getting divorced.

_Not kissing._

He was... _is_ engaged to Addison.

_Was that cheating?_

She wanted to keep kissing him like that, like he was indeed her husband. In Christopher's eyes, it had been so simple.

_Stand under the mistletoe; give the girl a kiss._

But it was so much more complicated than that...

XXXXXXX

**_Can't Help Falling In Love (Cover) – Ingrid Michaelson_**

Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin?  
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
So take my hand, and take my whole life too  
Cause I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows so surely to the sea  
Oh my darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
So won't you please take my hand, and take my whole life too  
Cause I can't help falling in love, in love with you  
Cause I can't help falling in love, falling in love,  
I keep falling in love with you


	9. Apologies

**Song Inspiration: Smart In a Stupid Way - Steven Strait ft. Jen Crowe**

Hours later, after Derek had put Christopher to bed, there was a gentle knock on Meredith's door. She hesitated answering, knowing that she looked like absolute hell – she could feel that her eyes were swollen, and she was betting that they were red as well, and her hair had to be a mess. She pulled her hair into a messy ponytail as she crossed the room.

"Meredith," Derek sighed, knocking on the door. She stood near the door, tracing her fingers over the grains in the oak wood, knowing that she had to open the door at some point or another. "I have the key," he said softly, a few long moments later. "Please open the door."

She moved her hand down to the doorknob, turning it gently as she came face to face with Derek. Her eyes scanned his; he looked like hell, too, his eyes darkened and bloodshot, his forehead wrinkled in concern. "May I come in?" he asked politely. She took a step back and nodded as he entered the guest bedroom.

"I'm sorry," he blurted as he sat down on the bed. Derek ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to think of what his next words should be. "I shouldn't have done that," he added. "It was completely inappropriate for me to kiss you like that."

"It's ok," Meredith sighed, shrugging her shoulders slightly as she sat down beside him.

"It's not," Derek said softly, "but thank you for saying so otherwise."

"I can go to a hotel," she shrugged in response, her voice flat and emotionless.

"Mer," Derek sighed heavily, his hands on his knees. "You don't have to do that."

"I don't want to cause any problems for you, Derek," Meredith replied. Silence surrounded them; the only audible sounds were the tick-tick-ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner of the room, Meredith and Derek's even breaths, and – Meredith was convinced of it – her heartbeat. "I mean, I'm just a friend; kind of. And you're engaged."

Derek sighed. "I spoke with my lawyer. He's out of town until the second of the year."

"That's two weeks away, Derek," she said, her stare blank as she remembered that it was only the twentieth of December. "Are there any others?"

"The ones that I trust are all gone, Meredith. I don't want to half-ass this, and both of us end up screwed when this is over."

"Then it's settled," she said definitively, standing up from the bed. She quickly walked over to the closet – the one that Derek had insisted she put her clothes in. She whipped the door open and spread her arms out, grabbing all of her clothing in one fell swoop. Derek watched as she shoved her belongings – hangers and all – into her duffel bag. She thundered down the stairs clumsily, and Derek heard the front door open and slam shut. He heard the door open and close again, her curses wafting up the stairs into the bedroom, and Derek assumed that she had remembered that she needed a coat and her boots. The door slammed again.

Derek laughed as he walked slowly down the staircase. As he reached the bottom step, he could see her pacing around outside, gesticulating wildly, in the still-falling snow. He slipped his boots and coat on, and stepped out on to the porch.

"Where do you think you're going?" he called out to her, a smarmy grin crossing his lips; she stopped in her tracks, sending him an angry glare.

"I'm flying back to Boston until the second," she spat, beginning to pace again. "There's no reason for me to be here, Derek!" she yelled. "No reason at all," she added as he approached her.

"How do you suppose you'll get to the airport?" he asked cockily, the same grin on his face. "The roads are closed. Remember?"

"Oh," she faltered momentarily, her features softening for a split second before she became angry again, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She stepped closer to him. "You!" she said as she poked him in the chest. "You are making this more difficult than necessary, Derek Shepherd. There really and truly is no reason for me to stay; I don't want to ruin your holidays."

"You won't." His smile was sincere now, and he reached out to touch her shoulder. She opened and closed her mouth, searching for the right words to say. "Chris would love it if you stayed."

"I have to get back to work," she whimpered, slightly defeated. "And Addison…"

"What about her?" Derek said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

"When did you tell her about me?" Meredith countered.

"After," he sighed truthfully, "she accepted my marriage proposal."

"She's upset that I'm here."

"She's just…," he paused, "jealous. Insecure. Please, Meredith, stay. You can't get to the airport anyways, they've canceled all the flights if you did get there, and it would be extremely expensive for you to fly back and forth with the holidays. Stop making excuses," he nodded, taking her chin in his hand, tilting her chin so her eyes were locked on his. "Please. It would mean a lot to me."

Meredith grumbled in response. "This is more difficult than it should be," she said again. She shivered, her teeth chattering in the winter wind. Her eyes filled with tears. "Why did you kiss me like that?" she whispered as a tear ran down her cheek.

"We should get inside," Derek said, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "You're freezing cold, and we don't need any of those tears freezing to your face."

"You didn't answer my question," she whispered dejectedly, pouting slightly as they walked back toward the house, resting her head on his shoulder. They reached the porch; he scooped her bag up quickly, opening the door and setting her belongings down inside. "Derek…"

"That's because I don't have an answer." His voice cracked as the meaning of his words sank in. They stepped into the house together, and her eyes widened at his unexpected response. "Are you going to stay?"

"It seems I don't really have a choice," she replied simply, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. Derek nodded in response as he helped her slide her coat off. She involuntarily shivered when his fingertips brushed against her back.

"I'm just gonna… go upstairs," she sniffled. "Hang my stuff back up; maybe take a bath. Is that ok?"

"Of course it's ok," Derek responded softly. She nodded and picked her bag up from the floor. She looked down at the floor as she began her ascent up the stairs, daring herself not to look back at him.

X

She hung her clothes up slowly, thinking about Derek's words as she smoothed out the wrinkles.

_ "Chris would love it if you stayed."_

How dare he use that sweet innocent little boy – the same little boy that had already experienced so much loss and sadness in his little life; she hated the idea of adding to it – as a device to get her to stay? She was getting attached to him, quickly falling in love with the toothless little boy that was, for the lack of a better term, her step-child. She could tell that he was falling in love with her, too, and it wasn't fair that they'd each end up heartbroken the minute that the divorce is final.

_ "What about her?"_

What did he mean? Addison was his fiancée – plain and simple. But Derek was so nonchalant, so 'meh' about the entire situation that it made her head spin.

_ "That's because I don't have an answer."_

When Derek had kissed her, it hadn't felt at all like they'd been separated for nearly five years. The sparks flew between them as if nothing had ever changed; he had literally taken her breath away.

But she had to stop it. Because if she hadn't… she didn't even want to think of the consequences.

XXX

**_ Smart in a Stupid Way - Steven Strait and Jen Crowe_**

She had eyes like crazy diamonds  
Inuit feet of clay  
they rolled the windows tight as they would go  
It was a smoggy day  
She looked up and asked me if I ever had a lover that I did not betray  
And I turned on the radio and I looked the other way  
She said you're smart, but in a stupid way

Chorus:  
And this is the price that you pay  
For being smart in a stupid way  
You stand there staring while your lover walks away  
Being smart, in a stupid way

The doors they close like eyelids  
The train just pulled away  
Sometimes I smell the perfume that she was wearing that day  
And i wonder if there's anyone that i'll ever love in any way  
Maybe I'll grow up and be good someday  
Maybe this pain I feel will go away

Chorus  
And this is the price that you pay  
For being smart in a stupid way  
You stand there staring while your lover walks away  
Being smart, in a stupid way  
So why is my heart so hollow  
Why are my dreams so shallow  
And why don't I ever have anything else to say  
And why is my love so far away

Chorus Chorus:  
And this is the price that you pay  
For being smart in a stupid way  
You stand there staring while your lover walks away  
Being smart, in a stupid way.


	10. Aunt Jamie

**One of those times where the song doesn't necessarily coordinate with the update.**

I'm a sucker for acoustic versions (and comments! )

Song Inspiration: Stolen - Dashboard Confessional

Christmas Eve had come and gone faster than the four of them could have ever imagined. As soon as Addison arrived home on the twenty-first, things fell in to full Christmas preparation mode. More cookies (and cakes and pies, too) were made, all in preparation for Derek's mother's, and his youngest sisters, Jamie's, visit to the Seattle house. As Christopher had explained to Meredith, it was the first official Christmas in the new house, and everything had to be perfect.

Meredith tried as best she could to be helpful – by helping keep Christopher entertained, or by wrapping the lavish gifts Derek had purchased for his many nieces and nephews (that needed to be shipped to their respective homes in three different states), or by measuring out ingredients for various recipes, or by, perhaps most importantly, keeping her snarky remarks to herself. She let Addison's tiny displays of jealousy slide, and she hid her own waves of jealousy when Derek and Addison exchanged a kiss. She simply didn't react; she was numb.

_Carolyn and Jamie Shepherd had arrived early on Christmas Eve morning, dozens and dozens of wrapped packages accompanying the women and their luggage. They arrived earlier than scheduled, catching everyone off guard. Meredith had answered the door, still in her pajamas and borrowed bathrobe._

"Merry Christmas," Carolyn chirped cheerfully. Derek and Christopher thundered down the stairs as Meredith returned the sentiment. Meredith reached out to Carolyn, grabbing several of the packages from her arms.

"Mom!" Derek said, grabbing some of the luggage from the porch. "You're early; I sent a car…"

"And we took a cab, big brother," Jamie said, stepping into the foyer and setting the packages down on the wooden floor. "Now where is my nephew?" she added, her smile identical to her brother's as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Aunt Jamie!" the little boy squealed, leaping into the air as she scooped him up. "I've missed you!" he exclaimed, snuggling closer to her as she hugged him. He hugged his grandmother with equal enthusiasm.

"This must be Meredith," Derek's mother smiled, reaching out to pull Meredith into a hug.

Meredith stuttered a bit before responding. "Ah, yes, I'm Meredith. Meredith Grey. It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd."

"Carolyn," Addison cooed as she floated down the stairs, perfectly dressed, made up and coiffed. "It's very nice to see you again. Merry Christmas," she said brightly. "Jamie," she added, nodding in the direction of Derek's sister.

"Hello, Addison," Jamie responded, her tone of voice cool and flat. She scooped her nephew back up as she rolled her eyes, the look unnoticed by everyone but Meredith.

Carolyn clipped her words. "Merry Christmas, Addy."

"Well," Derek said, filling the semi-uncomfortable silence that filled the entrance of the house. "Let's get you two settled in, and then we can sit down by the fire, and catch up?"

"Sounds like a plan, daddio!" Christopher replied for the group as his aunt set him back down after several more hugs and kisses.

They situated the gifts beneath the enormous Christmas tree, and the luggage was shipped off to the other spare bedroom. Meredith dressed quickly in her room, brushing her hair, and wiping some concealer-powder on her wind-burned cheeks. She swished some mouthwash through her mouth for the second time that morning. She sighed as she stared into the mirror, thinking to herself, "I'm not as pretty as Addison."

As Meredith walked down the stairs, she couldn't help but feel as if she were intruding on a private family get-together. Christopher talked excitedly to his aunt; he talked about his Matchbox collection, his school, and fishing, while Derek, Addison and Carolyn discussed the wedding (that will be taking place in March). Carolyn was tense; not in her words, but in her actions. It was barely noticeable, but Meredith was particularly adept at reading people. She paused briefly as she reached the bottom of the staircase.

"Hi," she said in a near whisper as she entered the living room. She saw Addison's stature fall slightly at the same time that Christopher's cherubic face lit up. "Does anyone need anything to drink?" she asked politely. "Or eat?"

"I'll help you." Jamie stood up quickly before anyone answered. "My baby said he made me Christmas cookies; I'd like to see them for myself," she winked at her nephew, correcting her tone of voice, her voice softer now as she approached Meredith.

"Will you bring me a cup of tea, Jamie, please?" Carolyn asked. "I think I have some muffins…"

"In the tin," Jamie finished. "We'll just bring a bunch of stuff back with us," she added as she linked her arm through Meredith's, leading her into the kitchen. "I designed this house," she said once they were out of earshot of the family members that remained in the living room. She traced her finger over the cool marble countertop.

"Bow windows, flanked on either side of the French doors in the dining room; perfect for storage and benches on the windowsills, offering a perfect view of this magnificent property," Jamie stated matter-of-factly, gesturing toward the dining room. "Marble countertops in the kitchen and all four of the bathrooms. Solid wood floors throughout the house. Real oak doors. I'm an architect," she added, turning to face Meredith. Meredith nodded and reached into the cabinet for some mugs as Jamie turned the kettle on. "You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this," she said softly, scanning Meredith's eyes with her own. Meredith noticed how much Jamie and her brother looked alike as she nodded her head.

"I build things, Meredith. I'm a good judge of things; I can visualize how well they fit together – I've always been good at puzzles," Jamie said proudly as she grabbed several of the cookies from their Tupperware home. She placed them on the designated Christmas platter. Meredith nodded again as she grabbed the carton of orange juice out of the refrigerator for Christopher.

"When my brother was with Kimberly," she smiled sadly, "he was always happy. His eyes always sparkled. You could see how in love he was. That little boy – my sweet baby nephew – completed my brother's life. When Kimberly – Kimmy, he always called her Kimmy – died when Chris was one, he completely fell apart," Jamie paused a she turned the kettle off. "Hand me those teabags, please," she said politely.

"Four and a half years ago, when he came back from his Las Vegas trip," Jamie nodded as Meredith's cheeks burned. "That sparkle was back, Meredith. He smiled a real smile. He looked for you **everywhere**; he tried to find you for months. Your mother," she said, narrowing her eyes at Meredith, "requested that he not continue trying."

"He didn't tell me that," came Meredith's weak argument.

"With her… with Addison," Jamie whispered, "he's dead inside. His smile is forced, his eyes are dull. If I know anyone in this world, Meredith, it's my brother. I can read him like a book. He doesn't…"

"He said he wants me to sign the papers."

"Derek wants a mother for his little boy," his sister defended. "Any good father would want that. But Chris is his father's son, through and through, and he doesn't care for Addison. My mother doesn't, either, but I'm sure you caught that; she's easy to read as well, nearly transparent."

"I don't understand," Meredith fumbled.

"Meredith," Jamie said incredulously, her eyes widening as she picked the serving tray up. "Do not… please, as a favor to me… I like you, I do, and I remember how he was about you. And as a favor to my nephew, and even to my brother," she sighed heavily. "Please do not sign those god damned divorce papers," Jamie said as she left Meredith standing in the kitchen alone, stuttering as she picked the glasses filled with orange juice up, Jamie's words echoing in her head.

XXX

**_ Stolen - Dashboard Confessional_**

We watch the season pull up its own stakes  
And catch the last weekend  
Of the last week  
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced  
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart  
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only  
Grand Farewells  
Crash the best one  
Of the best ones  
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed  
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart  
You have stolen my heart

And from the ball room floor  
We are in celebration  
One good stretch before our hibernation  
Our dreams assured and we all  
Will sleep well  
Sleep Well  
Sleep Well  
Sleep Well

you have stolen  
you have stolen  
you have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around  
In your highest heels  
You are the best one  
Of the best ones  
We  
All  
Look  
Like  
We  
Feel

you have stolen my  
you have stolen my  
you have stolen my heart


	11. What's next?

**Song Inspiration: Maybe This Christmas - Ron Sexsmith**

_The rest of Christmas Eve flew by uneventfully. Carolyn had insisted that Meredith tell them about her life; Addison's jealousies and insecurities reared their ugly heads. She held Derek's hand tightly, squeezing it every so often, and she kept her eyes on him for most of the afternoon, making sure that he wasn't looking at Meredith for too long of a span. If he did, Addison would lay her head on his arm, or kiss his hand. Meredith ignored the red-head and her tactics as she spoke timidly, politely answering all of Jamie or Carolyn's questions. She herself was surprised with the amount of information she was disclosing to these perfect strangers. Derek listened – eagerly, yet discreetly – and his sister watched him closely as he reacted –only in his eyes – to Meredith's words._

After the draining conversations, Carolyn asked that Jamie and Meredith help her prepare the holiday dinner, as Addison's mother and father had come out for the holiday as well. The three women laughed and talked in the kitchen, and though Meredith wasn't much help, the Shepherd women enjoyed her company. It should have been awkward between them, but it wasn't, and for that, Meredith was grateful.

Dinner went smoothly; Addison's family wasn't told who Meredith exactly is – it was a secret better kept. No one butted heads, which was important; the Shepherds were distant, but polite, and the Montgomery's were prim and proper. Meredith kept the little boy entertained as the adults talked in the dining room after dinner, telling him stories about her past Christmas experiences.

That night, Christopher fell asleep with visions of sugar plums dancing in his head, while Meredith fell asleep to the whispered arguments of Addison and Derek. 

"Ho, ho, ho!" the same little voice that woke Meredith up five days earlier filtered loudly through the house. "Merry Christmas!"The little feet thundered down the hallway again, this time skipping Meredith's room completely, as the little boy rushed down the stairs. "Santa came!" his excited announcement filtered up the stairs. Meredith sat up quickly as Christopher pounded back up the stairs. She paused as his footsteps neared her door, and his footsteps slowed, nearly stopping, as if the little boy was contemplating waking her up. Meredith swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, wrapping the robe around herself, and she crossed the room.

"Aunt Jame! SANTA CAME!" Chris shouted, and Meredith heard Jamie squeal in response before the aunt and nephew pair raced back down the stairs. Meredith stepped into the hallway at the same time that Carolyn did.

"Merry Christmas," Meredith chirped, her voice cracking slightly.

"Merry Christmas to you, too, my dear," the older woman cooed. "Shall we go see what the excitement is all about?" she asked, and Meredith nodded as they stepped together down the stairs.

If the Shepherd household had appeared as some sort of Christmas village before this morning, it simply paled in comparison to the sight that was in front of them now. Dozens of brightly wrapped gifts spilled out from underneath the Christmas tree. Christopher sat in the middle of it all, his bright, toothless smile lit up his face. Derek and Addison came down the stairs just behind Meredith and Carolyn.

"Good morning!" Jamie greeted the four of them as they stepped into the living room. "Merry Christmas!" she added as an afterthought, waving from her spot on the floor beside her nephew. Her eyes were tired – she had stayed up late to help Derek to finish wrapping the gifts for Christopher, and she helped him situate the gifts beneath the tree as well- her hair in a messy ponytail. She motioned for Meredith to sit beside her on the floor, and Meredith instantly felt at home. She blushed as she walked toward Jamie and sat down.

"Merry Christmas." Meredith smiled as she sat there, taking in the sighs of the family as they situated themselves in the living room. Derek and Addison sat down on the couch, exchanging sleepy 'Merry Christmases' as Carolyn sat down in the loveseat.

Jamie passed out the gifts with Meredith's help, and Meredith was surprised to see gifts for her there, too. She could see how tense Addison was as Meredith handed her one of her gifts; she and Jamie exchanged a knowing glance. Christopher tore through his gifts excitedly, showing off his presents – clothes, more cars, several books from his aunt – and the rest of them opened gifts, too. Meredith blushed as she opened her gift from Carolyn and Jamie; it was a musical jewelry box that played 'Viva Las Vegas.'

"Wait!" Meredith called out as the family was just about finished opening their gifts. "I have presents for everyone here, too," she said as she stood up and quickly crossed the room, climbing up the staircase quickly, taking two steps at a time. She returned moments later, her arms full of gifts, surprising everyone in the room, as she had only arrived with her meager carry-on bag. "What?" she blushed, her cheeks burning. "I went shopping," she added sheepishly as she passed out the presents.

"You didn't have to do that, Meredith," Derek said as Christopher tore through the wrapping paper that covered the package that Meredith had given him. Addison rolled her eyes as the little boy squealed with delight.

"This is the best present ever, Meredith!" He said, jumping up from his spot on the floor. Christopher ran over to Meredith and leapt into her arms, kissing her over and over again on her crimsoned cheeks. "Thank you! Meredith, thank you!" he squealed as he finally pulled away from her and returned to the planes, trains and automobiles model kits that Meredith had given him.

"Of course I had to," she responded a moment later, her eyes shining as she watched the happy boy look over every detail on the boxes. "It's Christmas," she shrugged her shoulders, her heart racing, her cheeks still on fire. Derek shook his head and rolled his eyes as he opened the present.

"Thank you, Meredith," Derek said softly as he held the silver photo frame in his hands. The frame said "Daddy and Me" on it, engraved in a cursive font. Meredith had put a picture of Derek and Christopher and their version of Frosty the Snowman (the second snowman they had made the morning after the initial snowstorm, their original masterpiece having been trampled in their snowball fight). He didn't even know she had taken the photo. Derek was placing the top portion of the snowman onto the middle part, and Christopher was handing him the buttons for the eyes. Their smiles were identical - wide and full of joy - their eyes shining as the snow continued to fall around them. "It's perfect." He smiled genuinely, his eyes sparkling - and Jamie caught Meredith's eye at that moment, motioning to Addison, who clearly looked defeated.

Jamie and Carolyn each thanked Meredith for their gifts, which were simple scarves Meredith had knitted while she lay awake each night while she was in Seattle. Meredith had also given them each a customizable photo-frame snowglobe with Christopher's latest school picture in it; when she had asked the little boy what he thought they'd like the most, he'd said that they would want to take him home with them. After a phone consultation with Izzie, Meredith was sure that the gifts for two of Derek's favorite women were perfect.

Meredith had given Addison a gift certificate to a day spa and salon; she hadn't really known what to get her, and if it hadn't been for Izzie, she wouldn't have gotten her anything at all. But, as she explained to Addison (timidly of course; the red-head only eyed her carefully as Meredith handed the envelope over), she figured it would be useful when the wedding approached. "Thank you," Addison said politely, her smile fake, but her sentiment sincere. Meredith nodded in response.

"What now?" Christopher asked as he looked up from his gifts, looking around at the adults who had all fallen into a comfortable silence.

"That, my dear nephew," Jamie said, raising an eyebrow at the little boy, "is an excellent question."

**_ Ron Sexsmith - Maybe This Christmas_**

Maybe this Christmas will mean something more  
Maybe this year love will appear  
Deeper than ever before  
And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call  
Someone we love  
Someone we've lost  
For reasons we can't quite recall  
Mmm, maybe this Christmas

Maybe there'll be an open door  
Maybe the star that shined before  
Will shine once more, ohhh

Mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm

And maybe this Christmas will find us at last  
In heaven, at peace  
Prayed for at least  
For the love we've been shown in the past  
Maybe this Christmas  
Maybe this Christmas


	12. Presents

**SONG INSPIRATION: It's Good to be in Love - Frou Frou **

X

Jamie had requested that they all take a walk as she had one more gift for her nephew. Her eyes sparkled as she led them into the backyard, walking backwards through the uneven snow. Meredith offered the little boy a piggyback ride, and Christopher eagerly accepted. He leapt onto her back, and nearly knocked Meredith over, but Derek reached out and grabbed her shoulder, preventing her from falling. "Whoa," he whispered, his breath hot on her neck. "You ok?"

Her cheeks burned, and she shimmied a bit, readjusting to the weight of the little boy. "I'm good," she said sheepishly, her cheeks bright pink as Addison shot her a dirty look. The little boy whispered an apology as he hugged closer to her, and the small group continued on their trek.

"Here we are!" Jamie exclaimed once they had reached a clearing near the cliff.

"Aunt Jamie," Christopher said seriously, "it's… the backyard," he added incredulously as he slid down Meredith's back, sinking in to the uneven snow.

"I know it is, silly!" she teased as she ruffled his hair. "But picture it, ok… we're gonna build you a tree house in that tree, right over there," she said, pointing to the large oak tree that was near the edge of the clearing. "The branches are perfect… I'm thinking a mini-replica of your house. How does that sound?"

"I'm listening, I'm listening." Christopher grinned as he reached out to grab his aunt's hand.

"Then over here, we're going to build you a playground of sorts… a swingset, one with a tire-swing, too, bud… and then," she said, her eyes shimmering in the early morning sunshine. Derek's eyes widened as she rattled off further playground details, which included a rock climbing wall and two slides. "And over here," she grinned, looking to Derek for approval, "we're gonna build you a swimming pool!"

"NO WAY!" he exclaimed, jumping up and down in the snow, sending some flying through the air. He jumped into Jamie's arms. "Thank you, aunt Jamie! Thank you!"

"Jame," Derek interjected as she put the little boy down. "You can't do all of this for him… it's too much money!"

"Shush, Derek," she huffed, placing her hands on her hips. "He's my godson; my only one. And I'm not having kids," she said, a devilish grin on her lips as Carolyn's eyes widened in surprise, "so of course I'm spoiling him."

Derek shook his head as the little boy ran back and forth through the yard, his excitement seeping from his pores. Addison stood shivering in the snow, her teeth chattering. "Derek, I'm cold," she said, her voice void of emotion. "Can we go in now?"

"Daddy! Can we make a snow fort? With Meredith?" Christopher asked, only seconds later. Derek gave Addison a sympathetic look, and she glared at him in response – it was a glare that was noticed by everyone but Derek. "Please?"

"Derek," Addison whined, stomping her feet slightly. She rubbed her hands over her crossed arms. "Please? I'm cold and hungry."

"We'll go inside with you, Addy," Carolyn said softly, and she shot Jamie a look.

"Oh yeah," Jamie grinned. Derek eyed his sister carefully, quickly identifying her devilish smile. She winked at him in response; it was an unspoken promise that she'd behave. "We can make breakfast for everyone, discuss the wedding, you know, sisterly shit," she added, linking her arm with the redhead's.

"Aunt Jamie!" Christopher scolded, his jaw dropping as he shook his finger at her.

"I know, I know, I cursed. Sorry, bud," Jamie responded as she ruffled her nephew's hair.

"Just don't do it again," he grinned.

"I can go inside and help, too," Meredith said softly, feeling uncomfortable, her cheeks burning from the little boy's earlier request. "I, uh…"

"No, Meredith," the little boy spoke up, turning to Meredith and taking her hand in his. "I want you to make the snow fort with us." His tiny request was so innocent, so needy, so honest... and it made Meredith feel extremely guilty, at the same time that it nearly broke her heart.

"I can stay," Meredith said softly, and the little boy nodded and thanked her as he ran off, scoping out the perfect place for their snow fort. Addison looked dejected, uncomfortable, but more than that – she looked pissed off; Carolyn noted this, so she took that as an opportunity to lead Addison and Jamie back toward the house, leaving Derek and Meredith to go find Christopher.

Derek took a few steps, and Meredith stepped timidly beside him, her cheeks on fire. She wasn't sure how to react – she noticed that the little boy only let her call him 'Chris'; Addison always referred to him as 'Christopher'. She noted that Christopher had never asked Addison to do anything with him, and he hadn't reacted much to her gift. "You're really quiet," Derek stated as they walked, the snow crunching beneath their winter boots.

"I'm just thinking." Meredith smiled as she looked up to Derek.

"I have a gift for you, too," he said. "I wasn't sure if we were exchanging them or anything… so, you know," his voice trailed off as he waved his hand. "Thank you for the picture frame," he added, his smile sincere. "It's perfect."

"You're welcome," she blushed, her grin matching his. The snow fell around them now; this time, it was more delicate, similar to a drizzle versus the blizzard-like snowfall they had a few days earlier. They fell into a comfortable silence as they continued walking, the crunching of the snow was the only audible sound. "Derek?" she asked a few moments later.

"Hmm?" he replied as he raised an eyebrow.

"Do you know how long this divorce thing will take? I need to call my chief tomorrow," she sighed. "I have to make some decisions regarding my internship… if I should put it off a year, or what, or transfer out here for a few months…," her voice trailed as she considered her options.

Derek sighed. "It shouldn't take too long, Meredith, once we get things going. A few weeks at the most. Seattle Grace has a great program; I could put in a good word for you," he added cheerfully.

"Thanks," she said softly. She bit her lower lip and shivered slightly, just as they reached Christopher. "Oh, and Derek?" she asked, mustering up every ounce of courage she had. "How come you never told me you looked for me?" she asked softly.

Derek looked down at her, his eyes darkening slightly. At that moment, a snowball whizzed by, sailing through the air between Meredith and Derek. Meredith's mouth popped open in surprise, but she didn't take her eyes off of him as she waited for his reply. Christopher giggled, the sweet sound of his happy laugh filtering through the air. Derek took that as the perfect opportunity to ignore Meredith's question –again – as he scooped up a handful of snow and tossed it in the direction of the little boy. "Oh, it's war now!" Derek exclaimed as his son threw another snowball at him, but Christopher missed, and it hit Meredith, square in the face.

"Oh my God, Meredith!" Christopher yelled as he stopped in his tracks. She wiped her face off slowly, the cold snow actually soothing her burning cheeks (however momentarily). She tried to hide her smile as Chris apologized again and again. Derek softly tossed a few of the snowballs at Christopher, hitting him in various places, but he still didn't move. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

She stayed perfectly still for a few more moments, and as Christopher looked away, the panic still evident in his eyes, Meredith ran forward and tackled the little boy, knocking him to the ground. She tickled him the best she could through all of the various layers of winter clothing, and they both laughed, their laughter filling the air, and Derek had no choice but to join in. "It's ok, bud," Meredith said as she ruffled his hair and then placed a kiss on his head.

"Are you mad?" Christopher whispered.

"Of course not, silly goose. It's a snowball fight, and its Christmas," Meredith replied cheerfully as she stood up and brushed some of the snow off of her jeans. "Besides… I could never be mad at you, Chris. I like you too much," she said with a wink as she bent down to scoop up some more snow. She formed it into a ball with her gloved hands, and placed her left hand on her hip. She smirked at Derek. "But your daddy on the other hand…," she said with a devilish grin and threw the snowball at him, purposely hitting him in the face. The wet snow dripped off of his nose. "Chris…," Meredith said as Derek wiped his face slowly. "Run!"

The pair of them took off, their feet carrying them as fast as they could, dodging the snow that Derek tossed at them as they ran. Chris laughed as he tried to keep up with Meredith; they weren't running in the woods anymore, they were running back toward the house, and were passing the place Jamie had made all the plans for Christopher's gift. Derek, by this time, had given up at throwing the snow at Meredith and the little boy, and was struggling to keep up with them as they reached the back deck.

"SAFE!" Christopher exclaimed as he leapt on to the first step.

"Oh, no, no!" Derek teased as he reached them, slightly out of breath; he scooped Christopher up. "There are no safe zones, buddy!" he added as he dumped the little boy into the snow. He began tickling his son, the little boy thrashing on the ground, sending snow flying everywhere. "Meredith!" Derek laughed as he noticed that she tried to go inside; she stopped in her tracks, her gloved hand on the doorknob, a sly smirk playing on her lips. He stood up and picked her up from the deck, heaving her over his shoulder. Christopher's eyes widened as Derek dropped Meredith to the ground, tickling her; she laughed in response, her loud giggle filtering around them.

Meredith locked her eyes on Derek's, and he stopped for a moment to let her catch her breath. Meredith's heart beat wildly now, the butterflies were attacking as the adrenaline rushed, her cheeks burned – all at the proximity of Derek, at being this close to him again. Their stare was intense, and as it became blurry all around Meredith as tears filled her eyes, Addison's voice filtered through the air. "Derek? What are you doing?" she asked accusingly as she stood in the doorway. Derek kept his eyes on Meredith for a beat longer, dreading looking up at Addison, for he knew that she'd be angry. "Derek?"

"We were just messing around, Addison," Christopher piped up. "Snowball fight," he added, shrugging his shoulders.

"The food's ready." Addison clipped her words before shutting the French door, rattling the glass slightly.

"Oops." Christopher grinned at his father as he stood up. Derek shook his head, his eyes sparkling and the smile returning to his features. The three of them stood up and exchanged a glance before returning to the house.

XX

Hours later, after the brunch that Jamie, Carolyn and Addison had prepared, and after the phone calls that they made to Derek's other sisters and their families, Addison left to take her parents back to the airport. Jamie and Carolyn were upstairs, planning for the backyard as they talked and packed their bags for tomorrow's departure. Christopher was reading one of his new books from Jamie in his bedroom, which left Meredith and Derek alone in the living room once again.

Derek chuckled as he heard his mother ask Jamie about her statement about not having children. "What's so funny?" Meredith asked from her curled up position on the loveseat. She snuggled the blanket closer to her as she waited for Derek's reply.

"My sister loves pushing my mother's buttons," he said with a laugh. "She didn't really mean the thing about kids… in fact, I bet she's telling my mom," he paused, "that she's pregnant right now."

Meredith smiled. "And how do you know that?" she replied, her eyes dancing in the light of the fireplace.

"She told me yesterday," Derek grinned, and they fell in to a comfortable silence. Meredith wanted to ask him again, she wanted him to be honest with her for once, but she had to wait for the right timing. She didn't want him to have an excuse to change the subject again. They heard Carolyn squeal, and Derek smirked at Meredith. "I told you so," he said. "Oh, I guess now is the perfect time for that gift," Derek said a moment later. "I'll be right back."

Meredith smiled as she leaned back against the chair, watching Derek as he went into the den to grab the gift for Meredith. She sighed happily as she looked around at the living room; everyone's presents spread across the room, mixing with the decorations. She took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of the Christmas tree and the hot cocoa that Carolyn had given her. Derek returned moments later, a shit-eating grin on his face. "What's that look for?" Meredith quipped, her eyes bright.

"You," he said simply. "You look like you're enjoying yourself," he shrugged as he crossed the room. He sat down on the arm of the loveseat. "Merry Christmas, Meredith." He handed her the delicately wrapped box before she had a chance to respond. He motioned for her to open it; she sat up a bit. She slid her finger beneath the tape to open it. "Just rip it, already," he said with a grin.

"Fine." She ripped the remaining wrapping paper off of the package and opened one end of the box. Beneath the layers of tissue paper sat a scrub cap; it was blue with ferryboats on it. There was a tiny card that sat beside it, and in Derek's handwriting, it said 'Welcome to Seattle.'

"It's one of my lucky scrub caps," he said softly, watching as her eyes filled with tears.

"Derek… you're giving me a recycled scrub cap?" she asked through her tears, trying to laugh as she realized the sentiment.

"No, no," he laughed. "It's one exactly like mine, it's brand new, I promise… but when I first came out to Seattle, my friend… Miranda… she gave me one. And since you've talked about having to transfer out here because of the divorce," he said with a soft sigh as the tears trickled down her cheeks, "I figured it would be the perfect present."

"It is perfect; thank you," Meredith said softly.

"Go on, try it on," Derek said with a smile. Meredith nodded as she stood and walked toward the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks on fire, her hair messy from their playful romp outside. But she was happy. Her smile was genuine, and the butterflies were beating their wings incessantly. Meredith pulled her hair into a high ponytail, putting herself in to surgical prep mode. She ran her fingers over the scrub cap before placing it on her skull, feeling the adrenaline that was normally reserved for surgeries kick in as she tied the strings in a loose bow. "How does it look?" Derek called out from the living room.

She looked in the mirror one last time before stepping back in to the hallway. "You tell me," she grinned as she stepped timidly back in to the living room.

"Adorable," he replied as he stood up. He walked over toward her and she stopped suddenly, causing the cap to slide off of her head a little bit. "Here, let me tie it tighter," he said as he walked around her. He picked the ties up and tightened them, tying them in a bow at the base of her neck. His fingertips brushed against her skin and a shiver ran up and down her spine. "You like it?" he whispered, his breath hot on her skin.

She shivered again. "Yes," she whispered. "Thank you, Derek."

"Thank you for coming out here," he replied as he stepped away from her.

"Derek," she said softly. "Why didn't you tell me you looked for me?" she asked again, her voice cracking. He didn't answer her for a moment, and he turned to sit back down on the loveseat. He patted the cushion next to him. "Derek…"

He waited until she was seated before he spoke again. "I called your mother once a week. I left messages with your stepfather. I sent you letters. They never gave me your email, or your phone number, or anything … no way for me to contact you personally," he sighed. "I wanted to, believe me, I wanted to, Meredith. Something about you… it just felt so right," he confessed. "Then, one day, your mother told me not to try contacting you anymore – this was about eight months after the trip, and I assumed that you wanted nothing to do with me."

"Oh," she faltered, for the hurt in his expression was palpable.

"I met Addison two years ago. I was holding out hope, for the longest time, that you would change your mind, you know, and get in touch with me somehow. But that never happened, so I knew I had to move on, for my own sanity," Derek added. He sighed again. "I asked her to marry me over Thanksgiving, and she accepted… it was great, you know, before I told her. But then I knew I had to tell you, to do the right thing." Meredith nodded, and Derek continued, "Ever since I told her about you – I told her everything, the story of how we met, the game, the bet, all of it… but she's been different. She's been… just… I can't explain it."

"I guess… there is a gray area after all," Meredith murmured, and Derek nodded.

"I thought bringing you out here would be easy, you know, we'd sign some papers and come out of this as two separate, successful people who were formerly married. But then you got here…," his voice trailed off. "Christopher really likes you, you're good with him," Derek's voice cracked. "And then that kiss happened, and the lawyer's out of town…"

"It's just one thing after another," she said softly as she rested her head on Derek's shoulder. She opened her mouth to say something else, but the phone rang, the sound of the ringing shrill and loud as it filtered through the house.

"I should get that," Derek said as he stood, leaving her side. "Hello?" he said in to the phone, stepping down the hallway and into the den.

Jamie came down the stairs, quickly followed by her nephew. "Meredith!" Christopher shouted as he bounced in to the living room. "Aunt Jamie's gonna have a baby!" he exclaimed.

Jamie blushed as she sat down beside Meredith. Meredith wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Congratulations," Meredith smiled as she quickly wiped another tear, before Christopher could see.

Jamie eyed Meredith carefully. "What's that all about?" she asked, motioning toward the tears, her voice soft and caring. Meredith shook her head. "We'll talk later," Jamie winked as the little boy sat down on the couch.

"Daddy gave you your present?" he asked innocently, not noticing Meredith's tears as he studied the scrub cap. "Do you like it?"

"It's perfect," Meredith confirmed, and the little boy nodded, a wide grin spreading across his lips. "This is the best Christmas ever," she added, her voice falling somewhere between sincerity and sarcasm as Derek stepped back in to the living room.

XXXXX

**It's Good to be in Love - Frou Frou**

**I don't know where to start**

**Say I'm tired or throw a party**

**These cucumber eyes are lying the more that I smile**

**about it.**

**And all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways**

**I don't like it.**

**It's good to be in love.**

**It really does suit you**

**Just like everything.**

**I'm happy you're in love,**

**'Cause every colour goes where you do.**

**I'm adoring you.**

**It's all good.**

**You're so beautiful.**

**I'm black and blue all over.**

**You're breaking my flow, how could you know what I'm saying**

**about it**

**When all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways.**

**I don't like it**

**It's good to be in love.**

**It really does suit you**

**Just like everything.**

**I'm happy you're in love,**

**'Cause every colour goes where you do.**

**I feel so powerless**

**I've got to stop it somehow**

**oh come on, what can I do?**

**Why's it happening?**

**How's it happening without me?**

**Why's it happening?**

**How's it happening that he feels without me?**

**It's good to be in love.**

**It really does suit you**

**Just like everything.**

**I'm happy you're in love,**

**'Cause every colour goes where you do.**

**'Cause every colour goes where you do...**


	13. When life gives you lemons

**Song Inspiration: Honey and the Moon - Joseph Arthur**

XX

_Addison had arrived home at promptly six p.m., just in time for Christmas dinner. She seemed to be more relaxed now that her parents' visit was over, and she was pleasant throughout the meal, surprising everyone, including Derek. After dinner, Christopher had requested that Jamie and Meredith help him build the model airplane that Meredith had given him. As they worked on building the toy, Carolyn returned to her bedroom to call her other grandchildren on the telephone, to talk to them briefly about their Christmases, and to finish packing for their flight home tomorrow. Derek and Addison had gone upstairs to talk and put their gifts away, but now their whispered arguments filtered down the stairs, surrounding Meredith, Jamie and Christopher._

"_That doesn't sound pretty," the little boy stated as he looked up from the model plane, his brown furrowing in concern._

"_Nope," Jamie confirmed. She shrugged her shoulders. "You know, for such a little kid, you worry an awful lot."_

"_Nana says I'm precocious!" the little boy said proudly, his smile lighting up his face. Jamie and Meredith laughed. "Will you hand me that glue again, Meredith? Please?" he asked politely._

_She nodded as she handed Christopher the glue, and Jamie read the next bit of instructions out loud. They continued their pattern of reading instructions and placing the pieces of the toy together as they built the model; before they knew it, the model was complete. Christopher carefully held the plane in his hands as he carried the toy upstairs to show his father, and then to put it away. From the top of the stairs, he yelled to Jamie and Meredith that he wanted to play with his new Nintendo DS game in his room, leaving his aunt with Meredith in the kitchen._

"_So," Jamie said a moment later as she raised her eyebrow, taking a sip of hot chocolate. "Derek says you're transferring out here to Seattle?" she asked as she set the mug back down on the table. Meredith nodded, her cheeks blushing slightly. "For how long?"_

"_I… I need to call my Chief tomorrow, you know, get things straightened out here, so I can transfer. Probably not more than a month or so, right?"_

"_I've never been divorced," Jamie shrugged. "Who knows how long it will take…," she murmured. "Will you be transferring to Seattle Grace?"_

_Meredith shook her head. "I was thinking of Mercy West… I don't think that… I don't know how it would be, working with both Derek and Addison," she said softly. "I would think it would be awkward… and Addison…"_

"_Meredith," Jamie said incredulously. "I'm going off the record here. I'm speaking to you as a third-party member, and not your sister-in-law, ok?" Meredith nodded. Jamie took a deep breath, "You need to do what will be best for your future – both personally and professionally. I'm no expert, the medicine stuff has never interested me, but… I do know that, according to the magazines, Seattle Grace is the fifth best hospital in the country, Meredith. Mercy West isn't even in the top one hundred. The hospital you're at now is sixth… you wouldn't want to downgrade, would you?" Meredith shook her head. "It will be awkward, I can damn near guarantee that, but if you don't want this transfer to set you back at all, which I'm assuming you run the risk of doing if you transfer to Mercy West, then Seattle Grace really is the place for you."_

_Meredith sighed. "He got me a scrub cap. It matches his lucky one," she said softly. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me yesterday, Jamie," Meredith whispered as she watched Jamie take another sip from her mug. "And Derek told me about… you know…," she added. "I just don't know how I feel about all of this," she said sadly as fresh tears pooled in her eyes._

_Jamie handed her a tissue from the Kleenex box that sat on the table. "I don't think I can tell you what to do, Meredith. I was out of line yesterday, but there's just something," Jamie sighed, "about her that irritates me."_

"_Thank you for telling me," Meredith said as she shook her head. "I really appreciate it._

"_You're welcome. And Meredith?" she asked as they heard footsteps coming toward the stairs. "If you're unsure of your feelings, and whether or not you're going to go through with this divorce bullshit," Jamie paused for a moment, listening as the person walking around upstairs turned back around and went into their bedroom, "just… hold off as long as possible," she said sincerely. Meredith nodded in response, and the women fell in to a comfortable silence with the rest of the household._

XX

"Aww, Nana," the little boy whined as the goodbyes in the living room of the Shepherd house were being exchanged. "Do you and aunt Jamie really have to go?" Carolyn nodded her head sadly before placing a kiss on her grandson's head. She turned away to exchange goodbyes with Meredith as Jamie stepped in.

Jamie bent down to the little boy's eye level. "Hey, don't be sad," she said softly as she traced his cheek with her fingertip. "We'll see you soon," she added as she kissed his cheek. She pulled him into a tight hug. "The minute that the weather gets nicer, I'm flying out with my people, Chris, and we'll get started on your present. Plus, I need your advice on baby names and all that other good stuff for your cousin," Jamie said, winking at her nephew.

"I still don't want you to leave," he pouted, biting his lower lip. "I'm gonna miss you so, so much."

"They'll come out for the wedding, Christopher," Addison said softly as she placed her hand on the little boy's shoulder. He looked up at his aunt, and a single tear trickled down her cheek. Jamie pulled him in for another hug, whispering words of love into her nephew's ear. "Just a few months," Addison added awkwardly.

"Addison's right," Jamie confirmed as she nodded. "Just a few months… once we're gone… you'll barely notice we're not here. And then we'll be back!" she said with as much cheer as she could muster.

"Ok," Christopher sighed as he hugged Jamie one more time. "That doesn't mean I like it," he added as she kissed him once more.

"Goodbye, Meredith," Jamie said as she stood up, wiping a tear from her cheek. She stepped forward and pulled Meredith into a hug. "It was really nice meeting you and talking with you," she said, lowering her voice to a barely-audible whisper, "please think about what I said."

"I will," Meredith whispered back. "It was very nice to meet you, Jamie."

"Call me if you need anything, darling," Jamie said as she pulled away from Meredith to exchange one final gooodbye with her nephew. "I guess we should get going, huh, big brother?" Jamie asked Derek, who only nodded in response.

"Are you sure you're ok here, Meredith?" Derek asked as Jamie, Carolyn and Addison exited the house through the front door. "Christopher can come with us," he added as he motioned to the little boy who had put his palm against the window on the left side of the door.

"We'll be fine here," Meredith said softly. "We'll watch a movie, right, bud?"

"Right," the little boy said half-heartedly. He traced his finger over the window pane in slow circles.

Derek shrugged. "Ok. Call if anything comes up," he said as he closed the door behind him and stepped onto the porch, walking to his car. He sat down and put the car in reverse, baking out of the driveway, and Meredith watched as Christopher waved to Jamie for as long as he could see her.

XX

Meredith put the movie in to the DVD player as the little boy situated himself on the couch. He sat with his sleeping bag wrapped around him, his favorite Matchbox car on the cushion to his right, the model airplane that he, Jamie and Meredith built the night before in his lap. "If you're ok, Chris, I have a phone call or two to make, ok?"

The little boy nodded in response, and Meredith gently kissed his head as she walked back in to the kitchen. Meredith sighed as she picked the phone up off of the receiver – Derek had told her she could use the house phone for the long distance call instead of burning up her cell phone minutes – and she hesitated before dialing the familiar number to the hospital. She had called her mother and stepfather earlier, wishing them a happy holiday, and they were both dissatisfied when Meredith told them she wasn't sure if or when she would be returning to Boston. They had been understandably upset, and Meredith only wished them a 'Merry Christmas' in response as she hung up the phone to call her sister.

But somehow, this phone call was different. She felt as if she were sealing her own fate, somehow making a mistake in the grand scheme of things. Sure, Seattle Grace was a good hospital – a great hospital even – but was transferring in the middle of your intern year to a new hospital such a good idea? Especially since she would be in the middle of a divorce. Derek was wrong, Meredith though to herself as she waited for someone on the other line to pick up, there most definitely was a gray area, and she wasn't sure how to separate her personal life from her professional one.

"Daniels," the Chief of Surgery at Massachusetts General Hospital barked into the phone. Meredith greeted the man that held the key to her professional career courteously, wishing him a happy holiday as she did so. "Doctor Grey," he said softly in to the phone, "are you calling to tell me you need a transfer?"

"You know me well, Doctor Daniels," Meredith replied, a slow smile unfolding on her lips. "It's taking longer than expected out here," she added with a heavy sigh.

"As surgeons," the older man said, "we are taught… and engineered to think this way, my dear girl, that life is cut and paste. We cut the problem out, and sew the solution right back up. We change things – always by cutting. Everything should be concise and clear, just like in surgery," he chuckled. "But the harsh reality of the world, Meredith, is that life isn't always so uniform. Life isn't always like an appendectomy," he said softly, pausing for a brief moment. "Sometimes you get thrown into a surgery where an aneurism explodes, or patients code, and sometimes you save them and sometimes you don't. But you have to be prepared for anything and everything, twenty-four seven."

"You're good with this advice stuff," Meredith replied as Doctor Daniels words sank in. "So you're telling me…"

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade," he replied simply, stating the cliché as if it were a fact. "Do what you have to do, Doctor Grey. I'll put in a good word for you, kid. It was a pleasure working with you."

"Likewise," she said softly as they began to discuss specificities of her transfer. After another fifteen minutes, they had come up with the proper terms, and placed a conference call to Seattle Grace. Their Chief of Surgery, Doctor Miranda Bailey - the same doctor Derek had mentioned the day before - had, at first, been hesitant about accepting the transfer. But after Doctor Daniels insistence, and after he rattled off her statistics, and a few patient testimonials (and, for added leverage, Daniels had told Bailey who Meredith was), she happily agreed.

Meredith sighed as she hung up the phone, and her emotions hit her like a ton of bricks. She was sad about leaving Boston; Cristina and Izzie would kill her. She was scared about the divorce, scared about her feelings for Derek, scared about her new internship. She was confused about everything - what Jamie had told her, the mixed signals Derek was sending, how to deal with that sweet little boy. She was angry at Derek for confusing her, angry at Addison for being Addison. She felt guilty about having these feelings, and she choked back a sob as they combined forces and washed over her.

After a few minutes of her tears silently falling, Meredith stepped over to the kitchen counter and looked out the window that looked in to the backyard. The yard was huge, and full of possibilities - just like her new life in Seattle would be. She splashed some cold water on her face, and she felt instantly better, and a wave of optimism washed over her. She remembered the little boy in the living room, and walked in to the room and sat down beside him on the couch.

"Hey," he said, never peeling his eyes away from the TV.

"Hey," Meredith replied, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

"You're moving to Seattle?" Christopher asked, his eyes still on the television set.

"Yes," Meredith said softly, watching the little boy, waiting for his reaction.

"Cool," he replied as he turned to look at her, a slow smile unfolding at the corners of his lips. He reached out and grabbed her left hand with his right, and squeezed it once as he returned his focus to the television set in front of him. Meredith squeezed his hand back, and with that, she knew that she was making the best decision she possibly could.

XXX

_**Honey and the Moon - Joseph Arthur**_

_**Don't know why I'm still afraid**_

_**If you weren't real I would make you up**_

_**now**_

_**I wish that I could follow through**_

_**I know that your love is true**_

_**and deep**_

_**as the sea**_

_**but right now**_

_**everything you want is wrong,**_

_**and right now**_

_**all your dreams are waking up,**_

_**and right now**_

_**I wish I could follow you**_

_**to the shores**_

_**of freedom,**_

_**where no one lives.**_

_**Remember when we first met**_

_**and everything was still a bet**_

_**in love's game**_

_**you would call; I'd call you back**_

_**and then I'd leave**_

_**a message**_

_**on your answering**_

_**machine**_

_**But right now**_

_**everything is turning blue,**_

_**and right now**_

_**the sun is trying to kill the moon,**_

_**and right now**_

_**I wish I could follow you**_

_**to the shores**_

_**of freedom,**_

_**where no one lives**_

_**Freedom**_

_**run away tonight**_

_**freedom, freedom**_

_**run away**_

_**run away tonight**_

_**We're made out of blood and rust**_

_**looking for someone to trust**_

_**without**_

_**a fight**_

_**I think that you came too soon**_

_**you're the honey and the moon**_

_**that lights**_

_**up my night**_

_**But right now**_

_**everything you want is wrong,**_

_**and right now**_

_**all your dreams are waking up,**_

_**and right now**_

_**I wish that I could follow you**_

_**to the shores**_

_**of freedom**_

_**where no one lives**_

_**freedom**_

_**run away tonight**_

_**freedom freedom**_

_**run away**_

_**run away tonight**_

_**we got too much time to kill**_

_**like pigeons on my windowsill**_

_**we hang around**_

_**ever since I've been with you**_

_**you hold me up**_

_**all the time I'm falling down**_

_**But right now**_

_**everything is turning blue,**_

_**and right now**_

_**the sun is trying to kill the moon,**_

_**and right now**_

_**i wish i could follow you**_

_**to the shores**_

_**of freedom**_

_**where no one lives**_

_**freedom**_

_**run away tonight**_

_**freedom freedom**_

_**run away**_

_**run away tonight**_


	14. make lemonade

**SONG INSPIRATION: Thinking Over - Dana Glover  
**

XXXX

The following evening, when Meredith had returned from the hospital - she had papers to sign, a photo to take for her identification card, and a new Chief of Surgery to meet - Addison was the only one home. She told Meredith that Derek had taken Christopher to his evening karate class, leaving the two women to fend for themselves. Meredith had taken to studying some of Derek's medical textbooks in the den while Addison had been taking a bath upstairs. Meredith was comforted by the silence in the house as she pored over the textbooks, smiling at the various medical tidbits that Derek had highlighted for himself.

"Hey," Addison said softly as she padded into the room. She was still in her fluffy white terry-cloth robe, her hair wrapped in a matching white towel, as she leaned against the doorway in the den. Meredith closed the book, folding the corner of her current page over so she could easily find her place later. Her eyes met Addison's.

"Hey," she replied as she sat back against the oversized chair she was sitting in. "What's up?" she added a beat later, if only to fill the silence.

"We need to talk about this situation, Meredith. Derek won't talk about it, he dances around the subject. You seem like the kind of girl who won't put up with any bullshit," Addison smiled, clicking her tongue as she stepped in to the room. She sat down on the other chair, curling her feet underneath her as she paused, taking a moment to prepare her next words. "I told Derek to ask you out here," she sighed. "I thought, 'hey, why the hell not? It's been five years, they'll sign and get it over with,'" she said. "That is clearly not the case."

"Addison, I...," Meredith stumbled over her words.

Addison raised her hand up, "I don't know what the hell is going on. I don't... you guys seem to have some sort of bond, some sort of... I don't know... natural chemistry. And really," she cooed, "it's starting to piss me off."

"Addison," Meredith said, her voice coming out as a breathy whisper.

"You came out here to do one thing, Meredith. It should have taken a week, two - at the _most._ But now, the lawyer's out of town," she said bitterly, rolling her eyes. "And you are transferring out here... for what?" she asked, her tone filled with disgust. "You're going to move your while life around, transfer - possibly fuck your career up -, lose your colleagues, your friends, your family... all for what?" she asked, the volume of her voice increasing. "A man who doesn't want you?" she spat. "And all you had to do was sign your name. Where are you going to live, Meredith? Certainly you're not expecting to stay here," she clipped her words. Meredith's eyes widened - she hadn't even thought of that. "I will not allow it."

"I don't think that's your decision to make," Meredith said slowly, carefully, fully pronouncing every syllable. "That's up to Derek to decide," Meredith defended, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What do you want then, Meredith, money?" she asked as she raised an eyebrow at the younger woman. "I can write you a check; money's not an issue," she stated coolly. "You come out here," she continued before Meredith had a chance to reply, "and you put on this act of helpful wife, you're treating Christopher as if he were your own child," Addison said, shaking her head. "You get his family to... I don't even know _what_ that was!" she said angrily.

"I don't have an ulterior motive, Addison," Meredith stated matter-of-factly. "I'm here to do what's right by everyone," she said softly, guilt washing over her. Her cheeks burned, crimsoning at her slight lie. "I don't want - or _need_ - your money, I have plenty of that, thank you very much. And my relationship with Christopher has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between you and Derek, Addison. He's a sweet kid, and he's someone for me to talk to," Meredith stated, returning her attention to the book in her lap.

"I'm not done yet," Addison said as she stood up and crossed the room. She searched the desk for something, pulling out a manila envelope from the top desk drawer. She walked back toward Meredith, her slippers shuffling against the wooden floors, as she opened the envelope. She took several papers from within the envelope and quickly read over them. "I don't even know why he hasn't shown you these yet, Meredith," Addison sneered. She shoved the papers into Meredith's hands. "I think you should sign those already so you can go back to where you belong," Addison said placing her hands on her hips. Meredith glanced down to the papers, her cheeks on fire, not looking back up at the redhead. After a few moments, Addison quickly turned on her heels and walked out of the room.

Meredith stared at the papers that she now held in her hands in shock. There they were – the papers that would end her marriage to Derek Shepherd. All she had to do was sign the fucking thing; with one fluid motion of a pen, it could all be over, and they could all get on with their lives. Meredith's eyes filled with fresh tears, but she refused to let them fall – she refused to let Addison win. Her eyes scanned the words on the paper – black on white, the contrast nearly blinding – until they went blurry and she couldn't focus anymore.

_ **PETITION FOR DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE**_

Identification of Petitioner: Derek C. Shepherd

**Identification of Respondent:** Meredith Grey

**Child(ren) of Marriage Dependent Upon Either or Both Spouses:** Christopher Alexander Shepherd.

** Date and Place of Marriage: ** The parties were married on June 12, 2009 in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA.

**Reason for Dissolution of Marriage:** ________________________________

The reason was blank. Meredith's eyes focused as she read that part again and again – and she knew the papers were right. There _wasn't_ a reason for it, not really anyways. She shoved the papers into the back of the book before standing up. She stood and crossed the room, leaving the den and quickly (and silently) moving up the stairs to the guest room.

She had a phone call to make.

Meredith grabbed her cell phone from the dresser; she could have used the house phone, but she didn't want to use anything of Derek's more than was absolutely necessary. She quickly slipped down the stairs and slid her boots and coat on. She heard Addison's hair dryer turn on as she slipped out the front door, the door clicking shut behind her.

Meredith shivered as she adjusted to the cooler air of the evening, little puffs of air circulating before her. She had hidden the papers in the bottom drawer of the dresser in her room; she didn't care to look at them again. She couldn't help but wonder why the reason portion of the form hadn't been filled in.

It would have been simple enough – irreconcilable differences. 'Wasn't that the default reason these days?' Meredith thought to herself as her boots crunched in the snow. Or perhaps even abandonment – that surely qualified. Lack of communication, lack of commitment – even infidelity (on Derek's part… ha! Meredith smirked.). All of the above would have been perfectly acceptable citations for the 'dissolution' of their failed attempt at marriage. But yet, the form was still blank and Meredith couldn't help but wonder why.

She reached her destination, the area where they had built the snow fort on Christmas. Her thoughts and memories swirled in her head as she dialed the phone and listened to the ringing, waiting for her friend to answer.

_ "Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love."_

"But I'm just warning you… don't let this freak get too attached to you."

"If… you hit the jackpot… will you marry me… here in Vegas?"

"I never back down from a challenge."

"You're gonna kill me…"

"There's a phone call for you. Your husband... says it's urgent."

"He needs me to come out to Seattle to sign some papers."

"Can you miss something you've never really had?"

"I Googled you."

"Is that her?"

"I'm Meredith Shepherd… and you must be the woman who is going to marry my husband."

"Is that what you were going for? The anti-Meredith?"

"Babe… that money is ours. I couldn't just spend it."

"She was just one of those girls where you just **knew.** That's what life should be about. Impulse decisions that make you happy; go with your gut, you know?"

"Let's get ready to ruuuuuuumble!"

"What's mine is yours."

"We were impulsive."

"Daddy… look where Meri's standing… you gotta kiss her!"

"Chris would love it if you stayed."

"What about her?"

"That's because I don't have an answer."

"I build things, Meredith. I'm a good judge of things; I can visualize how well they fit together – I've always been good at puzzles."

"Derek wants a mother for his little boy."

"Please do not sign those god damned divorce papers."

"It's Christmas."

"It's one of my lucky scrub caps."

"I was holding out hope, for the longest time, that you would change your mind…"

"That doesn't sound pretty."

"I'm going off the record here. I'm speaking to you as a third-party member, and not your sister-in-law, ok?"

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me yesterday, Jamie."

"I just don't know how I feel about all of this."

"You're moving to Seattle?"

"Cool."

"I think you should sign those already so you can go back to where you belong." 

"Meredith?" came her friend's voice, sending waves of homesickness over Meredith's body, her body trembling, nervous butterflies beating in her belly. "Mer? Are you ok?" Izzie asked, her voice sleepy and tired. "What time is it? Meredith?"

"Hi, I'm here, sorry," Meredith replied. "Were you sleeping, Izz? I'm sorry," she gushed. "I just… I… didn't… sorry…"

"Mer, slow down, slow down. I was just napping in the on-call room," Izzie replied, and Meredith could hear her yawn. "Busy day today," she added. "What's going on? Is everything ok out there in Seattle?"

"I don't know," Meredith confessed as her tears finally fell. She sobbed loudly, and Izzie just waited on the other end of the phone line, whispering soothing words, and reassuring her friend that she was there for her. Meredith finally explained her feelings to Izzie, the confusion of it all. Izzie listened patiently as Meredith told her that she was falling in love with Derek (and especially his little boy). Meredith also told Izzie about the holiday that she had experienced with the Shepherds, how wonderful Jamie and Carolyn were, and Jamie's words of advice. "And then… today," Meredith sighed as another sob escaped her lips. "Addison…," she trailed, trying to catch her breath before continuing to explain the confrontation she had just had with Addison.

"Oh my God, Mer," Izzie replied, clicking her tongue. She was silent for a moment before speaking again. "Is that everything?" she asked curiously, and Meredith winced. Even three thousand miles away, her friend knew her well. Meredith shook her head as fresh tears sprang to her eyes. "Mer?" Izzie whispered.

"I read the divorce papers, Izz," Meredith choked out. She wiped her eyes with her scarf, another shiver running up and down her spine as fresh flurries began to fall around her. "And… everything was filled out," she gushed.

"And?" Izzie asked; her panicked voice came across the line.

"Except for the reason," Meredith whispered. "It was left blank, you know, under 'reason for dissolution of marriage'… there was nothing," she sobbed.

"Then you have your answer," Izzie replied quickly.

"But we're supposed to get divorced…"

"I _know_ you're supposed to get divorced," Izzie responded, her voice confident and strong. "People get divorces every day. But, Mer, you will survive this… I believe… I believe in the good. I believe that you've had a hell of a confusing month, and I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary," she paused, "you don't want this divorce – you may think you do, that it's the right thing to do, but you don't and it's clearly not. You'll be ok, the three of you will be ok – you, and Derek, and that sweet little boy will be ok. I believe a lot of things, Meredith. I believe that true love is there, even if it's not always visible to the human eye. And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me, then calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy," Izzie paused, and Meredith sniffled as a smile unfolded on her lips.

"And I believe that you are a woman who made an impulse decision, based on nothing more than your gut feeling, and dumb luck… you made a choice, Meredith," Izzie continued. "And even though you made this choice, and things have unfolded the way they have, you will make the best decision for your future. You'll survive this. I believe that… believing we survive," she said softly. "Is what makes us… survive."

"Izzie," Meredith whispered into the phone. "You always know what to say," she gushed. "Thank you."

"Follow your own advice, Meredith – go with your gut," Izzie said softly. "Oh, crap, that's my pager… I have to go! Good luck Meredith," she said quickly into the line before hanging up, leaving Meredith with a click and the dial tone.

"Go with your gut," Meredith whispered in to the cold December air, her breath circulating in a white puff in front of her. Meredith placed her cell phone back in her pocket; she rubbed her hands over her crossed arms as she stepped back toward the house.

_Follow your own advice._

XXX

**_ Thinking Over - Dana Glover_**

I've been searching for a reason  
And I'm running out of time  
I can feel that it's the season  
It's time to make up my mind

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do  
There are so many thoughts in my head  
There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose  
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said  
Thinking over the things...

I'm thinking over  
Thinking over  
Thinking over  
The things that you've said  
And I'm thinking over  
Thinking over  
Thinking over the things...

Am I ready for forever?  
Oh, God, show me a sign  
'Cause if we're to be together  
Then it's got to be divine

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do  
There are so many thoughts in my head  
There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose  
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said  
Thinking over the things...

I'm thinking over  
Thinking over  
Thinking over  
The things that you've said  
And I'm thinking over  
Thinking over  
Thinking over the things...

He wants to marry me  
Carry me far away  
He wants to love me for life  
He wants to be with me  
Every morning I awake  
He wants to hold me through the night

Father, which way should I go?  
I cannot clearly see  
Oh, I love him so  
But only you know if he's the one for me

Thinking over  
The things that you've said  
I'm thinking over  
Thinking over  
Only you know if he's the one for me

I cant really tell you  
What I'm gonna do  
There are so many thoughts in my head  
There are two roads to walk down  
And one road to choose  
So I'm thinking over  
The things that you've said

Thinking over  
Thinking over


	15. THE END!

**SONG INSPIRATION: Return to Me - The Last Goodnight**

XX

_Per the arrangements with made Miranda Bailey, Meredith wasn't due to begin her internship at Seattle Grace until January fifth, giving her nearly ten days to study and look after the little boy who was on holiday from school. The hours passed by slowly in the Shepherd house as the tension between the three adults escalated. Meredith had fallen in to a near trance as she battled her own emotions, only speaking to Christopher, or when deemed absolutely necessary by Derek. She spent a lot of time in her room, poring over textbooks and journals, trying to distract herself from the situation (and her personal feelings) that surrounded her. Derek and Addison were constantly bickering; her words were laced with bitterness and anger as his were calm, yet concise, as they argued. Christopher had taken to sitting in Meredith's room on the floor, reading one of his many books from his aunt or coloring pictures on computer paper._

It was now December 30th, almost the new year, almost a new beginning. The calming aura of Christmas that had encapsulated the house only days before had dissipated, leaving only the tense aftershock of a winter storm behind. The sky was angry and gray; the Seattle air was cold and bitter; Christopher was in a bad mood from being cooped up all day, and Derek and Addison were having another fight. Meredith lay sprawled out on the floor in the den, notebooks and highlighters spread out around her as she studied, wishing she had her iPod to distract her from the argument that would inevitably turn to her and become entirely her fault. Christopher sat on the couch and he let out a heavy sigh, only milliseconds before they heard a pot crash to the floor, and the angry voices of the adults in the kitchen got louder.

"Hey, bud," Meredith said softly, her voice cracking. "What do you say we go upstairs?" she asked and he nodded as he stood up from the couch. He held his hand out to Meredith as she stood up; she squeezed the little boy's hand, and he gripped hers tightly in return. They silently made their way down the hallway and up the stairs, careful not to make a sound as the argument escalated between the engaged couple.

Meredith crossed the room and sat on her bed, and Christopher plopped down on the floor. He covered his ears with his hands as angry words were being exchanged (and a few more pots and other various kitchen items were thrown) beneath them. The sound of shattering glass resonated through the house, ringing in Meredith's ears. One pair of feet pounded quickly up the stairs, followed by the second, the volume of their voices increasing as they neared the guest bedroom. Meredith held her breath as they passed her room, and the door of their bedroom slammed shut – not once, but twice.

"Meredith," the little boy whimpered as he sat up. He stood up and crossed the room without another word and hopped up on to her bed, quickly snuggling up to Meredith. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his head as she tried to calm the little boy and protect him from the heated argument that was radiating through the house. She rubbed his back in slow circles and sang a soft lullaby, and within minutes, they both fell fast asleep, falling in to their own silence to protect themselves from the anger that was damn near strangling them.

XX

Meredith woke up early, as she always did in Seattle, feeling the tension in the house before she even opened her eyes. She groaned softly as she shifted her body, for the little boy was still clinging to her; he clutched fistfuls of her tee-shirt in his tiny hands, a soft snore escaping him as he slept. He didn't move a muscle, except for the opening and closing of his mouth, as Meredith sat up. She kissed him on his head, breathing in the innocent scent of the little boy who had cried himself to sleep in her arms the night before. She stood up, her legs wavering slightly as she held him in her arms, and set him down on the bed. She covered him with her blankets, and he sighed as he snuggled up to the blankets. Meredith looked at the clock, the red LED lights blurring slightly as she focused; 6:24 a.m.

She opened and closed her door quietly and walked down the hallway to the bathroom that she had been sharing with Christopher. She quickly brushed her teeth and combed her hair and stepped back in to the hallway. She noticed that Derek's bedroom door was open, the lights still on. Meredith leaned against the doorjamb, sighing as she saw him sprawled across the bed, fistfuls of sheets clutched in his hands – a perfect mirror image of his son. The walk-in closet looked like a tornado had gone through it – shoes and pants and shirts were sprawled all over the place. Meredith noticed that most of Addison's belongings were gone and she instantly felt another wave of guilt crash over her.

She returned to her room silently and opened her closet door. She carefully took each item of clothing off of their hangers and rolled them tightly, quietly re-packing her duffel bag. She winced when the floor creaked and she quickly glanced to the little boy, who hadn't moved at all. 'He could probably sleep through a nuclear war,' Meredith thought to herself, and then cringed at her own thoughts – hadn't they both done that the night before? She set her bag outside her door and crossed the room, back to her bed. She placed a kiss on the little boy's forehead, and she reached out to him, gently tracing her finger over his cheek.

"Meredith?" he murmured, stifling a yawn as his eyes popped open. "Hi," he said softly as his blue eyes focused on her green ones.

"Good morning, buddy," Meredith replied as she kissed his forehead again, holding her lips to his skin for just a moment longer. "Go back to sleep, ok?" she whispered as she wiped his hair off of his forehead. He nodded his head as he closed his eyes again. A tear trickled down Meredith's cheek as she stood; she took one last long glance at the little boy before stepping in to the hallway and down the stairs, the duffel bag (that now held the divorce papers) in her hands.

She quickly bundled up to face the cold winter air. The sky was just as gray and unforgiving as it had been the night before, and white flurries fell angrily through the air. She dialed a number on her cell phone, quickly placing two calls, talking quietly with the person on the other end of the line. She took one last look up the stairs, listening to see if either of the boys had woken up, before picking her luggage back up and opening the door. She stepped on to the front porch, gently pulling the door shut behind her, the lock clicking as the door closed.

Addison's car was gone. Tire tracks were still fresh in the driveway, not yet covered by the new snow that was free falling through the winter sky. Meredith smiled sadly as she remembered that it never snowed this much in December, and she couldn't help but feel as if the snow were her fault, too.

XX

Meredith took careful steps as she walked purposefully through the snow. She had set her bag down at the end of the driveway on a clear patch of cement so she could easily work on the project she herself had designed. She was nearly finished with her display when she heard the door open.

He said her name.

"Stupid… corny… idiotic… I cannot believe I did this… stupid loser… son of a bitch… I could have been back in Boston instead of dealing with this shit… ugh… stupid husband…," Meredith rambled, not giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging his presence.

"Meredith," he said her name again. She looked up, her eyes meeting his in an instant, swirling together, a sea of green and blue.

"What is your problem?" she yelled angrily, her eyes darkening with anger as he stepped toward her. "I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for you to show me those God damned divorce papers… and I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating thing," she added, gesturing around her. In the snow, she had traced her original words – Meredith, then a heart, followed by Derek's name. "And I was just gonna tell you that… this… I never came out here for this. I came here to make our lives easier, and all I did was make them more difficult. And it's not entirely my fault! Why haven't you shown me those fucking papers yet, Derek?" she growled as she paced, nearing the driveway. "I had this whole thing about how I was just gonna sign these papers, and get it over with, but I don't know what to do because I didn't expect this!" she spat. "And now I'm here… feeling like a lame-ass loser, I came out here and embarrassed myself, and you confuse me, and now it's a mess because you took so long to give me the fucking papers!" she added as she reached in to her bag. "Addison gave them to me, don't you worry," she added as he stepped closer to her.

"Meredith," he repeated, reaching out to her. He didn't say anything else, for words failed him as he stared into Meredith's angry eyes.

"I'm mad at you. And all I've done is hurt everyone out here, and... God... I should have never listened to your sister, or Izzie... Is this what you want?" she yelled as she pulled the papers from her bag. She reached for a pen, clicking it open as she held the papers out in front of her. "Huh?" she yelled, quickly scribbling her name on the last page. "There! Signed, sealed, delivered!" she yelled as she shoved the papers in to Derek's hands. "You know, this wasn't the way it was supposed to be, it was supposed to be an ordinary divorce," she yelled, the tears streaming down her face now. She noticed the little boy in the window, the scared expression on his face, his palm flush against the glass. "And that we were gonna come out of this as two people who came out of the divorce as friends, but that's clearly not happening now, is it?" she said, her voice lowering slightly.

A yellow taxi cab pulled up. Derek didn't say anything; he stared at the papers in his hand, her angry signature taunting him. Meredith opened the back door on the taxi and tossed her bag inside the car. She hesitated for a moment, waiting for Derek to make a move, and when he didn't, she got into the cab, and slammed the door.

And just like that, she was gone.

XX

The front door opened. "Daddy! What are you doing? What are you doing?" the little boy called out as he ran toward his father, nearly tripping over his own boots as he ran through the uneven snow. "Why did you let her leave?" he asked breathlessly.

"Christopher, go back inside, please… you'll catch a cold, your coat isn't even zipped," Derek choked out. The little boy zipped his coat up, stomping his feet on the ground as he remained in place in front of his father. "Christopher Alexander," Derek said, his voice a sad warning tone, "please go back inside!"

"No, Daddy! What are you doing? You have to go get her! See?" he pleaded, pointing to the words in the snow. "That says 'Meredith heart Derek!'" he shouted, frustrated tears flowing down his cheeks. "Please go get her, Daddy, she can't go! She can't! We love her!" he yelled, gasping for air.

"Christopher…"

"Look, Dad," he insisted again, grabbing Derek's hand and pointing to the words in the snow. He stomped his feet again. "Meredith heart Derek… Meredith loves Derek!" he insisted.

"Get in the car," Derek said softly. Christopher froze in his tracks, his eyes widening in surprise. "Get in the car, Chris," he said again, and the little boy took off through the front yard, quickly climbing in to the car. He slammed the car door and quickly sat down in his booster seat, buckling himself in. He grinned at his father through the windshield. Derek shook his head as he turned around and jogged back toward the house. He grabbed his keys from the dish on the foyer table, spotting the two-carat solitaire engagement ring that he had given Addison barely a month before. In that moment, he knew that it was over between the two of them (and he secretly wondered if Meredith had seen the ring._ She obviously didn't,_ he thought to himself, _or else she would have stayed._). He smiled as he placed his cell phone into his pocket and the little boy waved from the back seat of the car. Derek shuffled off the porch, jogging back to the car, panicking slightly as he realized he knew exactly where to find Meredith Grey.

XX

"Where do you think she went, Dad?" Christopher asked, his eyebrow raised, as they pulled off of the ferry. Derek expertly navigated the vehicle through the icy streets of Seattle. "Are we going to the hospital?" he asked, his voice hopeful. "Maybe she went there," he shrugged. Derek looked at his son through the rearview mirror. "Or maybe she went to the museum," he suggested. He studied his father's face. "Daddy…," he said softly. "Are you gonna call her?"

"I'm driving, kiddo," Derek replied, his voice cracking.

"Oh," came the little boy's response. "Well, how are we 'sposed to know where to find her if you don't call her, Dad?"

"Here," Derek said as he pressed his foot down on the break, sliding to a full stop at a red light. He handed the phone to Christopher. "You can read, find her name… you call her."

"Ok," he replied happily. "Oh, Dad… you have five new voicemails from Addy," Christopher said, shaking his head. "Are you sad about her?" he asked as he fumbled with the buttons on the phone. He grinned when he found Meredith's name in the contact book, pressing send; he then held the phone to his ear, his eyes full of hope as the phone began to ring.

"Not really, bud," Derek shrugged. "We fought too much… and I'm sorry you had to hear all of that; that wasn't very nice of us," he said softly.

The little boy nodded before holding a finger up to his lips. "I never liked her anyway," he stated honestly, and Derek smiled in response. "She didn't answer," he sighed as he pressed send again. "I'll just try a bunch of times," Christopher shrugged, pressing the phone back to his ear.

"You go right ahead," Derek said; the little boy shushed him as the light finally turned green again, and Derek pressed the gas pedal, continuing their journey to find Meredith.

XX

They pulled in to the drop-off driveway (a strict 'no parking' zone) of the airport quickly, leaving the car there as they ran inside. Security guards yelled after them about leaving the car; Derek yelled back, telling them to tow it if they had to. "Daddy!" the little boy said breathlessly as they reached the check-in counter. "How do you know she's here?"

"Because," he replied as he scooped the little boy up and placed him on the counter. "When Meredith runs away," he said, "she always goes to the airport."

"Good morning sir, and welcome to Delta Airlines at SeaTac. How can I help you?" the airline employee asked, her smile particularly bright and cheery for nine o'clock in the morning.

"We need two tickets for," Derek said breathlessly, "Boston."

"I'm sorry, sir," the attendant said, her lips falling into a frown, her forehead wrinkling slightly. "We just boarded that plane; I don't think you'd make it through in time," she added, gesturing toward the security line.

"I need two tickets on the next flight out of here then," Derek said quickly, his voice panicked. The attendant nodded as she typed, searching for a flight for Derek and the adorable little boy that grinned his toothless grin at her.

"I've got two first class tickets on a flight to Detroit that leaves in an hour… from there, you can connect to Boston," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I'll take it," Derek said, whipping out his credit card and ID, handing it to the employee to purchase the tickets.

"Is there anything else I can do for you today, Mister Shepherd?" she asked as the boarding passes were printing. "No luggage?"

"Sandra," he smiled, lowering his voice in a whisper as he glanced at her nametag. "Can you get me through that security line any faster?"

"Oh," she faltered as she handed Derek the boarding passes. "It sure looks like your little boy has to use the potty," she said with a wink. Christopher exchanged a glance with his father; Derek nodded at him in response.

"Dadddddddddyyyy," the little boy whined as he bounced on the counter. Derek scooped him up and held him close as Sandra walked them over to security. "I have to gooooooo!" he screeched, kicking his feet against Derek's waist.

"Excuse me?" Sandra called out sweetly to the line of potential passengers in the security line. "This young man is in desperate need of the facilities," she said as she motioned to the little boy that was carrying on the charade in his father's arms. "Would any of you mind if they skipped to the front of the line so we don't have an accident?" she asked sweetly. The crowd murmured their response, agreeing to let Derek and Christopher cut to the beginning of the line.

"Thank you!" Derek said as he handed the boarding passes to the man at the front of the line. Sandra nodded in response before stepping back to the counter. She waved goodbye to Christopher, and he grinned back at her, offering her a sweet wave.

"Now let's get going, Daddy!" Christopher said excitedly as they made it through the gates. Derek set Christopher down, and they broke in to a run as the announcement for final boarding call for flight 762 to Boston, Massachusetts rang over the PA system.

XX

Derek and Christopher ran through the throngs of people in the airport terminal, dodging luggage, aggravated travelers and airport personnel, yelling Meredith's name over and over again. As luck would have it, the gate for the Boston flight was as far away from the security checkpoint as possible, and they ran as fast as their feet could carry them through the terminal. Frustrated tears flowed from Derek's eyes as Meredith's words played over and over again in his mind, his heart was nearly beating out of his chest as the image of Meredith signing the divorce papers ran through his head.

"Meredith!" Christopher yelled breathlessly; he called her name over and over again, echoing his father, his voice equally panicked. They made it to Gate 26, panting and out of breath. Christopher ran over to the window, placing his palm on the glass, watching as the plane rolled backwards down the runway. "Daddy," he said, his voice a panicked whisper, his face turning white as he watched the plane. He didn't move his eyes off of it. "We missed her," he said sadly.

Derek's mouth opened and closed, and fat tears streamed down his face as he sat down in one of the chairs in the waiting area. Other travelers were giving the father-son duo confused glances, watching as Derek sobbed freely and the little boy traced a heart in the condensation on the window. Christopher didn't take his eyes off of the plane until it took off, the giant steel aircraft lifting off of the ground with seemingly little effort. Christopher sighed as he wiped a tear off of his cheek. He turned around and walked over to his father. He placed his hand on his father's back, rubbing slow circles over Derek's coat.

"It's ok, Daddy. We'll just get there later than she will, and we'll find her there, right?" he whispered reassuringly. Derek didn't look up as another sob washed over him. "We'll find her…," he whispered, his voice reassuring as it trailed off slightly. He looked up from Derek, glancing around the airport, his eyes scanning, searching. He gasped when he saw a familiar figure; his hand stopped moving on Derek's back and he broke off in to a sprint.

"Christopher! Where are you going?" Derek called out after the little boy. He stood up, his eyes instantly searching, following the little boy in the red coat.

"MEREDITH!" the little boy yelled.

And then Derek saw her.

XX

"MEREDITH!" Christopher yelled again. She stopped in her tracks when she heard her name, the voice of the little boy carrying through the terminal. She turned around as she saw him running toward her; Meredith dropped her bag as she choked out a sob and ran toward the little boy. They met in the middle, and he leapt into her arms; she easily pulled him in to a hug as her tears came faster. "I thought we missed you," he said breathlessly, his eyes shining as he stared in to her eyes.

She hugged him closer to her, kissing his head over and over again as Derek approached them. Silence had consumed the airport – at least to the three of them. Derek stepped closer to them, and the little boy slid down Meredith's body. Meredith nearly jumped into Derek's arms, hugging him tightly. "Meredith," he whispered into her ear, breathing in her scent, holding her close. "You got off the plane," he whispered, his voice cracking and full of emotion.

"I never got on it," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper, surprising Derek. His eyes widened in surprise, his eyes on hers, searching for confirmation. She nodded as more tears trickled down her face.

And then Derek did the only thing he could think to do… he kissed her. He kissed her like they had kissed under the mistletoe, like they had kissed when they first met in Vegas, like he would never kiss another woman for the rest of his life. When they broke apart from on another, they both glanced to the little boy, who was bouncing on his heels.

"Let's go home," Christopher said, his smile bright. Meredith and Derek exchanged a glance – an equally bright smile on each of their faces. Derek stepped over to Meredith's bag and picked it up, lifting it over his shoulder. Christopher gripped Meredith's right hand in his left, and his father's left hand in his right, standing between them, joining them together.

"Let's go home," Meredith repeated as she grinned at the little boy, and the three of them stepped forward, walking through the terminal together, leaving the airport to begin the first day of the rest of their lives.

**_THE END!_**

Return to Me - The Last Goodnight

I know my voice is silence to your ears  
I know I said some things you didn't deserve to hear  
I miss you, God I miss you, why do I miss you?  
I lie awake at night kicking at the sheets  
No matter how much I try they never cover my feet  
I need you, God I need you, why do I?  
I finally gathered up the strength  
To get through my days

[Chorus]  
You lift me up  
(Just to let me down)  
You lift me up  
(Just to let me down)

You call me on the phone to try to see if I'm at home  
You play with my emotions; give me some kind of hope  
I miss you, God I miss you, why do I?  
I finally gathered up the strength  
To get through these lonely, lonely nights

[Chorus]

You've got me desperate and confused  
And my confidence is thrown  
I'd rather be miserable with you  
Than ever be alone  
You're free, of me

You lift me up  
(Just to let me down)

I will change the way I talk  
I will change the way I feel  
I will change the way I walk  
Until nothing left is real  
I will change the way I call your name  
I will change the way I eat  
I will change the way I touch you  
When you're lying there asleep  
Because I miss you  
God I miss you, I miss you  
Return to me  
Return to me  
I will change everything

**_*****************EPILOGUE TO FOLLOW!!!!!****************  
_**


	16. WAKING UP IN VEGAS

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your comments and kind words. I don't think I could ever thank you enough! Thanks for your patience, your words of encouragement… just… thanks!**

I hope y'all like this epilogue, I had TONS of fun writing it! You guys are the BEST!

SONG INSPIRATION: Waking Up In Vegas (Instrumental) – Katy Perry 

**_SIX MONTHS LATER._**__

Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.

"Cool!" Christopher said excitedly when he saw the sign from the airplane, tapping his father on the shoulder. "Dad! Look! We're here!" he added as he bounced slightly in the leather seat. "Meredith! We're here!"

"We are," Meredith confirmed as she looked over the little boy's shoulder. "Guess who else will be here, Chris?" she gushed, her own excitement bubbling over. It had been five years – to the day – since she'd last landed in Las Vegas, and she was much more optimistic this time. She squeezed Derek's hand intermittently as the plane landed, bouncing slightly when it first touched down on the ground.

"Nana!" he said excitedly, pausing for a moment. "Um… it better be my aunt Jamie, too," he added happily, not taking his eyes away from the window.

"They'll be there," Derek replied and the little boy squealed in response. "Meredith's sister, Lexie, and her friends, Cristina, George and Izzie; they'll all be here, too," Derek grinned, and Meredith squeezed his hand again. "I think Cristina's picking us up, right?" Derek asked Meredith as the flight attendants announced that it was safe to turn cell phones on and take seatbelts off. Meredith nodded as she stood up and held her hand out to the little boy. He hopped out of his seat and grabbed Meredith's hand, leaving Derek to grab the carry-on bags from the overhead compartment. The flight attendant gave Christopher a set of wings as he and Meredith exited the plane hand-in-hand.

"I can't believe we're here!" the little boy gushed as he glanced back to his father.

"I got it, guys, don't worry," Derek teased, his arms full of their luggage. Meredith turned around and stuck her tongue out at him, her eyes shining happily. "I love you," he mouthed to her, and he, too, stuck out his tongue.

"I love you more," she mouthed back as she scooped the little boy up and swung him around so he was on her back. "See? I've got the little monkey… precious cargo, Derek," she teased back, pausing so Derek could catch up with her; he held his left hand out to her, and she grabbed it with her right as they continued through the jetway to the airport.

XX

"Baby! You made it!" Cristina screeched as she saw her friend and the family that had become such a large part of Meredith's life. The little boy slid off of Meredith's back, and his father handed him a blue backpack. She pulled her sunglasses off of her face and wrapped her arms around her friend, hugging her tightly.

"I did, I made it," Meredith replied as she hugged her friend. "Are you ok, Cristina? You're hugging me," she teased, pulling away from Cristina slightly. "Did Izzie and George come with you?"

"She's waiting in the car, Lexie and George are at the hotel," Cristina replied as she placed her sunglasses back on her head. "Mer, between you and I, I uh... I think something's going on between George and your sister," she said, raising her eyebrow. "If you know what I mean," she added.

"I know what you mean," Meredith laughed.

"I see you brought the husband and the husband's mini-me," Cristina smirked as the little boy gave her a wave.

"That's Derek," Meredith said with a laugh as Derek wrapped his arm around her. "And this is Christopher," she added as Cristina waved back to him. "This is my best friend, Cristina," Meredith added, and handshakes and high fives were exchanged as the introductions were completed.

XX

Cristina navigated the streets of Las Vegas with relative ease, keeping up with the flow of the crazy traffic. The top on the rental convertible was down, and Christopher squealed each time Cristina took a fast curve. Derek was sweating, anxiously shaking his legs as he sat in the backseat with Izzie (who looked like she might vomit) and the little boy (who was secretly enjoying the crazy ride). Meredith caught Derek's eye every so often through the mirror, smiling at him, and they each thought back five years ago, to the very first night they had met. "We're here!" Cristina announced as she whipped into the driveway at the resort. She threw the car in to park at the valet stand.

"Oh, thank God," Derek said as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Cristina stood and opened the door, and smacked Derek on the head, causing Christopher to dissolve in giggles.

"I like the little one, Mer; he's a keeper," Cristina teased as the rest of the group spilled out of the car. "I don't know about the big one yet," she said with a wink as Derek pulled Meredith into a hug. They exchanged a quick kiss.

"Oh, don't be disgusting!" a very pregnant Jamie Shepherd called out as she waddled toward the group of five. Derek's mother laughed from her place on the bench as she, too, stood and walked over to the group.

"Aunt Jame!" Christopher said as he ran up to her and gently hugged her as she bent down to his eye level; he placed his hand on her swollen belly. "Baby's kicking," he grinned.

"She's happy you're here," Jamie smiled back as she placed a kiss on her nephew's cheek. She stood up and gave Meredith a hug. "Thank God you're here," she whispered in to her ear. "This wedding will be much more fun," she added as she pulled away from Meredith.

"I agree," Meredith giggled as she hugged Carolyn. More greetings and introductions were exchanged, and George and Lexie had joined the group, having seen them from the lobby. "Should we go in?" Meredith asked as the doorman opened the door.

"Good afternoon," he drawled, his phony French accent obvious, "and bienvenue to Paris: Las Vegas!" he added as the group nodded happily and walked through the doors in to the golden lobby.

XX

After getting settled in to their suites (one for Cristina, Lexie, George and Izzie; one for Jamie, Carolyn and Christopher; and one for Meredith and Derek), they decided to lounge by the pool, enjoying the warm sunshine that the clear, blue skies of Nevada had to offer. Cristina swam in the pool with Christopher, tossing him into the water and having contests and races with him. Derek talked animatedly with his mother about how Jamie's plans for the backyard were coming along, while Izzie flirted with the pool boy, and George and Lexie were lost in their own little world, oblivious to everything that was happening around them.

Meredith lay on a lounge chair, sipping on her umbrella drink, while Jamie lounged next to her, reading baby names out loud to Meredith. "What do you think of Annabel?" Jamie asked as she wrinkled her nose. "Apparently it was one of the top names in two-thousand who cares?" she smirked as she looked over her sunglasses to Meredith, who smiled and nodded in agreement. "Baby naming is hard," she sighed. "You don't want the kid to get made fun of… or have her grow up hating you because her name is stupid… or something. I mean, you wouldn't want to name her 'Gertrude' to have her sound like she's someone's great grandmother, and you wouldn't want to call her 'Mercedes Lexus' or something equally strange," Jamie rambled. "And then you have those celebrities who name their kids after fruit, or famous dogs, or things like 'Pilot Inspektor'; I mean honestly, what is that?" her brow furrowed over the rim of her sunglasses. "I just don't know."

"You have time," Meredith replied as she took another sip of her drink. "Your due date isn't for another few weeks, right?"

"Right. I just hope we make it back to New York before she decides she wants to be born," Jamie smiled. "Are you two having kids?" she asked, her voice serious as she took her sunglasses off, placing them on her head.

Meredith blushed. "Probably not anytime soon, Jame," she said softly. "We have to get to know one another better first, get further into our careers, focus on Christopher, you know," she rambled, her cheeks burning.

"Good for you," Jamie replied. "It's like I tell that pain-in-the-ass boyfriend of mine. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean you have to have kids right away," she said with a sly smile, "or in my case, vice versa."

"Right," Meredith laughed.

"So is everything for tomorrow all set? Anything you need me to do?" Jamie asked as she sipped on her lemonade. Meredith shook her head. "Just doing my job, you know, as the sister-in-law," she smiled as she set the glass back down on the table between them, resting her hand comfortably on her pregnant belly.

"You mean as the Maid of Honor," Meredith smiled, her eyes shimmering from the reflections of the pool.

"Aw, Meredith," Jamie cooed, her eyes instantly pooling with tears, "it's not nice to make a pregnant girl cry!" she said as she tried to laugh. "You mean it?"

"Of course," Meredith said softly. "If I weren't for you…," her voice trailed, and Jamie nodded, for no other words needed to be spoken. They stopped talking, falling in to a comfortable silence, and Meredith's mind floated back to that New Year's eve…

XX

_Meredith grinned at Derek from her spot in the passenger seat of the car. The snow had stopped, and the sky cleared up a bit, allowing the sunshine to at least attempt to break through the winter sky. He gave her a sideways glance, his eyes shimmering. "How'd you know where to find me?" she whispered, as the little boy had fallen back asleep in his booster seat while they were on the ferry._

Derek turned the key in the ignition, waiting for the Jetta in front of them to move. "Because," he said simply, "like I told Christopher, when you run, you always get on a plane."

"Oh, so now I'm predictable… ordinary?" Meredith teased. Derek turned his head to look at her.

"I didn't say that," he smiled. "I think, if anything," he added, his voice low, "you've proved that you are anything but."

She leaned over and kissed him on the lips. She instantly deepened the kiss as she placed her hand on his cheek, a soft moan escaping his lips as he kissed her back. The car behind them beeped their horn, the sound shrill and angry, as the driver behind them spouted off frustrated words and gestures. "Oops," Meredith grinned as she pulled away from Derek. "Better get going," she added softly as he laughed and straightened out, putting the car into drive.

~*~*~*~*~

Hours later, after midnight, and after Christopher had finally given up and gone to bed, Meredith and Derek lay on the couch, snuggled underneath a blanket as the fire crackled in the fireplace around them. The house was still in disarray, the mess upstairs not quite cleaned, the pots and pans still scattered throughout the kitchen, and neither of them cared. They had ordered a pizza, watching various New Year's specials on TV and playing board games with Christopher. When the countdown to the New Year began, Christopher released confetti poppers, the brightly colored bits of paper swirling in the air around them, and Meredith and Derek exchanged a long overdue kiss, their eyes happily smiling as the sentiment was exchanged.

"Hmm," she hummed into his chest, and he instinctively pulled her closer to him, placing another kiss on her head. "Derek?" she whispered.

"Yes?" he replied as he felt her relax in to him.

"Why was the reason blank?" she asked, and he gave her a quizzical look. "On the divorce papers?"

"Hmm, that's simple, isn't it?" he replied, taking a deep breath. "There wasn't ever a reason, besides that I thought I would be marrying Addison. But, you know," he gestured, waving his arm in a circle in front of them. "Things change."

"They do," Meredith agreed, and that was enough for her. A satisfied sigh – mixed with a yawn – escaped her lips.

"I heard you and Jame," Derek said softly. "The night before she left, what she said to you," he added like Meredith didn't already know what he was referring to. "And what you said to her," he smiled, kissing the tope of Meredith's head again.

"You have an awesome sister, Derek," Meredith murmured.

"What else did she say to you?" he asked.

Meredith sat up a little bit. "The first night she was here, she told me that she was an architect, about the house, you know. And then she old me how you were with Kimberly, how much you loved her, how much you changed after…," her voice trailed off slightly. Derek nodded. "She told me about when you came home from Vegas, and the difference in your eyes," she said softly.

"And?"

"And what?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Please," he replied, "I know my sister very well – if there's one person in the world I know, inside and out, it's my sister Jamie. I can read her like a book," Derek said with a smile.

"She asked me not to sign the divorce papers," Meredith confessed as she lay back down, pressing her ear down to Derek's chest. "Because Addison didn't make you happy, and Christopher needs a mommy."

"That's my girl," Derek said. "Look at me," he added softly, and Meredith turned her head. "We can take this as fast or slow as you want, Meredith, but you should know… that I shredded those divorce papers, and they are now ashes in the fireplace," he said with a laugh, and she giggled slightly, too. "You're gonna have to find another way to get rid of me," he added, his eyes shimmering in the dim light from the fireplace.

She didn't respond verbally. Instead she sat up a bit and turned so they were laying face to face, their hearts in the same place. She placed a gentle set of three quick kisses on his lips, and they re-adjusted to one another, fitting together like the puzzle pieces that Jamie swore existed. 

XX

Early the following afternoon, the group of nine made their way to the tacky Elvis-themed wedding chapel, the same one that Meredith and Derek had first married in five years before. "So, this is it," Jamie said, handing Meredith her simple bouquet of white roses before returning her hands to their resting spot on her belly. "Anything else you need?"

Meredith looked to the full-length mirror to her right. She wore a simple black dress, the same one that she had worn the night of her first marriage, complete with black flip-flops that made Izzie and Lexie cringe. But Meredith didn't care, so long as she was happy. And she was, for the reflection in the mirror proved it. She couldn't stop grinning, and her eyes were a deep sparkly emerald that shimmered even more in the fluorescent light of the changing room. "I think I'm ready," she said excitedly, and she looked to Jamie, who had tears streaming down her face. "Jame…"

"It's the hormones," she sobbed as she reached out and pulled Meredith in to a hug. Cristina shot Meredith a wary glance, but Meredith just wrapped her arms around her sister-in-law and hugged her back.

"Time to go!" Izzie gushed, opening the door to the changing room. "Derek's waiting," she grinned, and Lexie and Cristina took this as their opportunity to escape the crying bride and Maid of Honor, and left the changing room to take their places, as bridesmaids, at the front of the chapel.

"This is it," Jamie repeated as she pulled away from Meredith. Meredith nodded as she tried to wipe away her own tears, and Jamie led her toward the doors to the chapel. The music swelled, and the doors popped open, and before she knew it, she was walking down the aisle, George giving her away, toward Derek and the adorable, grinning boy that she loved so incredibly much.

XX

"And so, by the power vested in me," the minister – dressed in an Elvis-look-alike jumpsuit (complete with red scarf, sequins and sunglasses; Meredith was convinced he was the same one from their first wedding) – said happily as he glanced back and forth between Meredith and Derek, "by God, the King," he said, rolling his eyes, "and the State of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride," he said, closing the bible and smiling as the young couple in front of him exchanged their first kiss after renewing their vows.

"I love you," Derek whispered as he pulled away from Meredith.

"I love you," she replied happily, and before she knew it, Derek had scooped her up in his arms as the music swelled, and carried her back down the aisle.

XX

"So what now?" Meredith asked many hours later. After the simple ceremony, where vows promising to love, cherish, honor and care for one another were exchanged, they had all had dinner at one of those famed Las Vegas buffets, (their entire trip was planned as a Vegas cliché) but it was exactly the way Meredith and Derek wanted it to be. Jamie, Carolyn and Christopher had retreated to their suite some time ago, while Cristina, Lexie, George and Izzie decided they wanted to go to a few different places to get the full Vegas experience, leaving the 'newlywed' couple alone.

"What do you want to do?" Derek replied, gripping Meredith's hand in his own.

"Traditionally after a wedding reception," Meredith quipped, a devilish smile playing on her lips, her eyes dancing in the neon lights of the casino, "someone has sex."

"Oh, really," Derek replied, raising his eyebrow at her. She leaned up on her toes and kissed him passionately, eliciting a soft moan from her husband. She pulled away suddenly, and walked away from him, leaving him standing there alone. "Tease!" he called out as he walked quickly to catch up with her.

"Oh, you know, we've been married five years, we've gotta keep it fresh somehow," she teased. "Oh, look, there's that awful card game," she said with a full laugh, remembering how Derek had taught her how to play Blackjack the very first night they had met. They walked hand in hand through the casino; she led him to the very machine they had played their game at five years ago.

"One last time? For old times' sake?" Derek asked as he pulled a quarter out of his pocket and held it up to the coin slot on the machine. Meredith shrugged, and he deposited the quarter in to the slot.

"Wait!" she called out, just before he reached out to pull down on the lever. "Don't I get to ask you a question? For old times' sake?" she asked, her eyes shimmering as she looked up at her husband. He grinned before nodding. "Do you promise to always love me?" she asked, holding eye contact with him. "Even when you hate me?"

"Of course," he replied as he bent down and kissed her quickly. She grinned back up at him and placed her hand on the lever. He placed his hand on top of hers as they counted to three, and then pulled down on the lever, watching as the fruits and numbers spun madly in front of them. They each sucked in a deep breath as the numbers slowed, and moments later, lights and alarms were going off, signaling that they had, indeed, hit the jackpot once again.

**So, there it is. (Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese)**

Um, also, many, many thanks to Apes (double_scotch) and Alli (itzalliballi/alliballi3mcsteamy) for all the help/ideas/read-overs - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thanks for everything y'all! 


End file.
